How You Recognise The Life You’re Meant To Live.

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Brave is not all of me, but it is a significant part. And when she said it, I recognised myself in a dozen different instances from age 4 to 19 years old. The brave girl who has learned to say what she thinks.
That’s how you know you’re recognising it – because your instinct is to lean into the spaces your True Self fills. And the more of your True Self you lean into, the more of your False Self you fall out of. You recognise your life sometimes before you know you have it; reaching effortlessly for the pieces that belong. The places and the people that fit just so into your puzzle pieces and before you can blink, you are living and fully alive.

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Anticipation Sickness.

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This combination of hope and anxiety can be crippling. And that’s anticipation sickness. Knowing the risk you take to hope at all, knowing what losing hope will feel like, how our way of seeing the world will be again challenged. It’s the fear and anxiety that overshadows joy. Hope is not a joyful feeling – hope is the gut-wrenching, white-knuckled sigh of the heartbroken, brave and vulnerable to look up, to say ‘Okay, let’s go again.’

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An Exchange of Words

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I would write you a letter, with ink and pen on thick paper that feels good in your hands. I’d like to leave the weight of my words with you, a deep impression on the page. I’d make a roadmap of words from here to tomorrow, to guide us til we arrive. I’m searching for words to tell you in advance how sorry I am for the small things I’ve ruined by asking too much or when I couldn’t give you enough. You homeward bound and me, reaching for you. Laid out in lines on a page full of humour, sorrow and life.

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I Was A Dancer, Once.

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By now, you should know this is both a true story about dance and a metaphor. I am a paradox of confidence and innocence, sometimes imagining more quickly than I can learn and sometimes learning more than I can practice. But there are a few things I know to be true.

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What Happens Sometimes In A Bar.

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If you want to build resilience, visit a bar. There are things that sometimes happen in a bar that will make you strong. He looked at the woman to my left and the woman on my right and said ‘You two are amazing girls.’ His pronunciation pointed in a direction anywhere but me.

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She Undresses.

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Still, layered in perfume she is not yet naked before you. She undresses but she does not leave herself unclothed. It is beyond silk and lace, beyond what the skin wears and beyond costume of the day. There are symbols and stories painted on her body in scars and ink; some of them you know but others you have not listened to yet.

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dear kid motherhood tash mcgill

Dear Kid.

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Here’s the deal, Kid. I thought you’d be here by now but the truth is, you may never arrive at all. But I’m still your mama – fiercely, entirely and utterly yours. So I wanted to tell you a few things so you’d always know. Like how I want to love you so well and walk with you through all your failures. How I want to teach you everything I’ve learned while waiting for you and how I’m trying to be the best I can be for your sake. So this is for you, kid, love from your Mama.

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