Song Of The Moment : Love Is Everything
Jane Siberry

Maybe it was to learn how to love
Maybe it was to learn how to leave
Maybe it was for the games we played
Maybe it was to learn how to choose
Maybe it was to learn how to lose
Maybe it was for the love we made

Love is everything they said it would be
Love made sweet and sad the same
But love forgot to make me too blind to see
You’re chickening out aren’t you?
You’re bangin’ on the beach like an old tin drum
I cant wait ’til you make
The whole kingdom come
So I’m leaving

Maybe it was to learn how to fight
Maybe it was for the lesson in pride
Maybe it was the cowboys’ ways
Maybe it was to learn not to lie
Maybe it was to learn how to cry
Maybe it was for the love we made

Love is everything they said it would be
Love did not hold back the reins
But love forgot to make me too blind to see
You’re chickening out aren’t you?
You’re bangin’ on the beach like an old tin drum
I cant wait ’til you make
The whole kingdom come
So I’m leaving

First I turn to you
Then you turn away
So you try to hurt him
But it breaks your body down
So you try to love bigger
Bigger still
But it…it’s too late

So take a lesson from the strangeness you feel
And know you’ll never be the same
And find it in your heart to kneel down and say
I gave my love didn’t I?
And I gave it big…sometimes
And I gave it in my own sweet time
I’m just leaving

A Question Of Identity
There’s been some interesting activity in the SiteMeter lately, and it raises questions that I mostly avoid thinking about. For example.. when somebody googles ‘tash mcgill’ and they end up here, it’s really no surprise. When they google me, and then read my diary all the way back into 2002, then I got issues.

I know what all can be said.. don’t write anything you don’t want people to read blah blah blah. And I do work relatively hard to maintain anonymity for people within the blog, if for whatever reason I don’t want them to be known. But in 2002, there was no one reading this but Dani. And between now and then, I’ve variegrated between moments of crystal honesty, ranting, and deeply thoughtout intellectual arguments on theology & philsophy.

It’s the secretive nature with which people peruse.. the lurkers, the non-commenters. I can guess at who they are based on when they read, where from, the browsers they are using, but it’s not the same as the honesty of.. hey, I read your innermost thoughts, but that’s ok, you can trust me with them.

So why do I blog if every six months I’m going to have a crisis about the former self that used to blog here? I’m not the same person, don’t judge me! I long to cry it out, or disable the archives or something. But the reality is.. perusing my site this morning… I think that if you came here looking to find yourself hidden away between the lines.. you probably could. Just about any one could imagine themselves the focus of my attention here.

The reality is probably a lot more mundane. I just write and sometimes the thoughts in my head about you and sometimes they are about someone else, and I’m just glad for the opportunity to spill out these words and keep them somewhere, so that when I am old, I can look back and laugh at my foolishness and gabbled youth.

I’ve always made a point of being honest here, even if I didn’t reveal names and places unless there was no danger in it. I’ll still continue to be honest, but couldn’t you help me out just a little, by at least fessing up to who you are? After all.. if you don’t know me by now…

What do you think?