I sat in Circus Circus last night – arriving with every intention of sitting in the window seat with my journal and a coffee. I meant to spend an hour in my own company, coming to terms with myself again. But instead, I stumbled with some intentional delight into peppermint tea, that stretched into a long black, then to a cabernet merlot, followed by dinner, more wine, dessert and a flat white. The hour became six or so, and the company did something good for my soul.
There are some places you can go running, and you find yourself in the securest of arms. Places where the passing of time has been more like the writing of history and the weaving of a story that brings truth and hope. In your veins, the same blood beats, the same story you know from both sides of the table and yet there is still more to talk about, more to discover, more to learn from one another.
There is something timeless and eternal about that place, the sanctuary of it.
There are so few places in life where you can laugh, cry, tell lies about yourself and be honest all at once. Grace gives you permission to cover over what you’re too frightened to reveal as yet, but the Truth sits outside of you as well.
It was a good day, because it began and ended in the arms of deep love. I never knew the power of love within my own heart to build something from nothing and make it significant for what is and could be, what is not and could never be. There is strength for me in the vulnerability, anguish and unshakeable desire of these places. There are things I desire I cannot have and things I still want despite the knowledge of the Truth within me. I wrestle with my own heart and God’s for the fruit of these years, spent learning everything I do not yet know.
My heart is left longing and yet satisfied all at once.