there is a thread of silk
weaving through your heart
at the end of a needle sharp
pierces skin and flesh and
draws deep and near, threading
silk through the wounds
know this, it weaves through mine as well, in fact maybe, same thread wove through mine first..either way, by the time the end comes near.. it’s the same thread ties us close together..share a little wound with you, share a little wound with me
lend you a little of my soothing balm, spend a little love on you
There are some days recently where I find myself on the edge of a wave. Sometimes it is breaking, other times I’m adrift in calm seas. In the in between days, I can sail past in the slight swell, content to feel the ebb and flow of everything that passes through my mind.
Some thoughts are longer and deeper than others. I’m moody, aptly labelled by dear ones, and it’s ashamedly true. When relaxed and with friends, give me a tangent to dwell and there I go.. but I’m not a hopeless case.
I’m the glass half-full when it comes to circumstance, which comes in handy when you want to forgive. Recently I’m prone to forgiving type circumstances, not always of my own doing. There are days that I still feel the weight of Eastercamp upon me in it’s absence and it’s presence. She stays with me in memories heavier than my greatest loves, to date, she is my greatest love. She is moving on, into new and beautiful forms under the hands of other lovers.. there is forgiving there but its an abstract distant kind.
There is another kind that creeps under your skin, where you come to know truth in ways you wish you didn’t and things you’d rather never know but still in knowing them you have only the greater opportunity to love. Loving so deeply that the marrow of my bones is given to it. I am partly invited to forgive and partly I take the opportunity.. but either way… In this circumstance, I am glad of being glass half-full. Sometimes it gives you the opportunity to step outside immediate pain and remember the most important things.
The one irrefutable thing about the past is.. it is always behind you.
But you do have to choose to walk on from the spot you’re in, or risk being stuck there for much longer than you intend. It’s in late night moments, in moments of carelessness that I forget about loving someone else and stepping forward with them, and stop for a moment, letting some sharp little tongue slice it’s way through words in my voice but not from my heart.
The difference here of course, is that I want so badly to forgive, to wipe clean any memory of our misdeeds to one another, that I press forward into the break and make is so.
Why so happily leaping into the breach here and not there? Both will be slow forgives… Here, I can forgive fast and spend a long time in the making it right, there.. is more of a slow forgive and quick put right. For some reason, there are some things you just can’t love your way through.
But am I too strong in this? Should I be softer, take more time, be less resolved to have fortitude? Should I be needier and require more? Have I done the wrong thing by trying to make the stepping forward into the future easier? So many questions brought about by the parallel comparatives of forgiving.