growing up

In My Opinion, With Love

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For most of my teens and twenties, I made a reputation for myself as opinionated. The world has a way of disqualifying the young from being able to lead thought revolution. We craft the skills to communicate well long before we have anything to say. But now I think I have something to say, at last.

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How You Recognise The Life You’re Meant To Live.

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Brave is not all of me, but it is a significant part. And when she said it, I recognised myself in a dozen different instances from age 4 to 19 years old. The brave girl who has learned to say what she thinks.
That’s how you know you’re recognising it – because your instinct is to lean into the spaces your True Self fills. And the more of your True Self you lean into, the more of your False Self you fall out of. You recognise your life sometimes before you know you have it; reaching effortlessly for the pieces that belong. The places and the people that fit just so into your puzzle pieces and before you can blink, you are living and fully alive.

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Anticipation Sickness.

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This combination of hope and anxiety can be crippling. And that’s anticipation sickness. Knowing the risk you take to hope at all, knowing what losing hope will feel like, how our way of seeing the world will be again challenged. It’s the fear and anxiety that overshadows joy. Hope is not a joyful feeling – hope is the gut-wrenching, white-knuckled sigh of the heartbroken, brave and vulnerable to look up, to say ‘Okay, let’s go again.’

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I Was A Dancer, Once.

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By now, you should know this is both a true story about dance and a metaphor. I am a paradox of confidence and innocence, sometimes imagining more quickly than I can learn and sometimes learning more than I can practice. But there are a few things I know to be true.

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dear kid motherhood tash mcgill

Dear Kid.

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Here’s the deal, Kid. I thought you’d be here by now but the truth is, you may never arrive at all. But I’m still your mama – fiercely, entirely and utterly yours. So I wanted to tell you a few things so you’d always know. Like how I want to love you so well and walk with you through all your failures. How I want to teach you everything I’ve learned while waiting for you and how I’m trying to be the best I can be for your sake. So this is for you, kid, love from your Mama.

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Signs along the way tash mcgill

There Are Signs Along The Way.

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I see a feather and my mind whispers to my soul, ‘You’re on the right path still, just keep going. Stay the course.’ Even though you haven’t met an intersection for hours, that road can be daunting and lonely. Fear and frustration like to turn up too, but all you need is another signpost to let you know you’re still heading in the right direction and therefore getting closer all the time.

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You Love Fewer People Than You Think.

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You love fewer people than you think you do. And, if you need permission to care less about some, in order to love others better – this is it. Feel free to hit delete. Caring is enough, if caring is what you have to offer. But caring cannot get in the way of Love. You’ve got permission to gather yourself back from the hundreds of little connections draining your batteries.

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Great Expectations: The Second Half of the Game

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The trouble with expectations is that they hide in plain sight until you trip on them. Freedom from prescription is essential. Examine every corner of your life for the hidden expectations (your own or others) that you are trying to meet. Find them before they trip you. As I think the next half of my life; I don’t want to spend a minute of my energy or spirit in meeting expectations or prescriptions. I want to live in such a way that I am fully alive and engaged with my greatest strengths. Devoting as much as I have into things that matter most for my legacy, not the legacy others would write or choose for me.

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The Hopeful Audacity Of It.

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I’m close to throwing a tantrum in the face of the Universe. A grown-up one, with big words and everything. I’ve lived here five years looking at that same corner, same tinny house, same Indian store and all of sudden they’ve opened the door. The hopeful audacity of it. That if you try, they will come. If you stay open and welcoming, people will turn around and look after you. If you fight just a little more, ‘No’ might turn to ‘Yes’. It’s easy to turn my cynicism audacious, to make the Bullshit calls loud and clear. It’s harder to choose a hopeful audacity. A plucky bleeding courage that keeps on playing anyway. A hopeful audacity that compells me to put on my unicorn panties, fight hard tomorrow but not against myself.

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