Come On Crashing Down, Remind Me Of Normal
Give me one Saturday night in a surbanan pub, that wants to be an old school english local. It’s been a long time since I did anything like just go for a drink and watch the rugby. Then cups of tea at Frances’ house. Pleasant. Last night was the leaders thankyou dinner.

Stu is away for now for two weeks in Fiji, on the same trip that I went on. I miss having his wise and gracious words to lean on. Maybe it’s that the moon is nearly black in the sky, or just that I am really tired.. I feel very nothing at the moment.. I need to laugh. It’s not that I’m sad or miserable or any of those things.. the immediate and pressing concerns of the future have been put on hold.. the realisation that I was going to drive myself in circles and away from the focal point. I put a stop to it, by reassuring myself I was going to live in the moments in front of me, not ahead of me.

But in the absence of pressure and angst, comes the foreboding weight of knowing that harrow choice is still on the horizon, and that the next few months will be a battle to maintain a focus on the God journey, rather than the human one. Ambition is so dangerous, so motivating, so driving, so inspiring, so good and so bad.

I had too much to drink on Tuesday night, as I was working at home, I polished off nearly an entire bottle of wine before I realised I hadn’t eaten dinner and the room was a little floatier than usual. But in the haze of an honest internal monologue, I asked big questions of myself and God again, and then read my daily reading. I had to read it slowly and several times, but that was more to do with the content than the alcohol. However.. it spoke of the tension of when God has given you a vision and you live betwixt the vision and the reality of the vision. I feel naked and vunerable reading Surpgeon’s words, because he unravels me in unexpected places.

Song Of The Moment : Best Of You
Foo Fighters

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holdin’ you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh…

Oh…Oh…Oh…Oh…

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh…

What do you think?