Dental Hygiene… You’ll Need To Suspend Belief!
I usually go to the gym everyday for about 2 hours, unless I’m pushed for time, like last night. I guess because it’s a more localised club that a big city center, you see some of the same faces everyday. Anyway.. one of these faces is a little more red-faced than usual, and for once, it’s not me who’s embarrassed. At least, I don’t think I’m embarrassed.

There’s nothing more relaxing than taking 15 minutes in the sauna, followed by a hot shower after a workout. And just cos I’m a clean freak, I cleanse, tone, moisturise, scrub, exfoliate… you know .. the whole deal. A full hygiene routine, including taking care of my teeth. After all, a sweaty workout can leave you with an uncanny desire to brush your teeth.

So imagine, last night, coming out of the shower, towel wrapped around, hair dripping wet, but feeling clean and fresh all over. Imagine the severely disturbed and distressed face of a 40-something year old woman in front of me. She leaned in close and told me how disgusting and inappropriate it was for me to carry on with ‘that kind of behaviour’ in such a public place, and some habits should only be saved for the privacy of my own home, where I wouldn’t be subjected anyone else to whatever perverse sexual practices I engage in.

Just so we’re clear.. I can’t recall the last time I engaged in any sexual practices, let alone getting to be perverse! Ed.

Something must have convinced her I didn’t have the foggiest idea what she was talking about, so she explained in further detail; as to how she was happy to share gym space and even the shower cubicle next to me (as often happens because we must be on the same gym schedule) but would I please consider that not everyone else is comfortable with me ‘taking care of myself’ with my vibrator.

EEKS. Aghast. What?

Until I realised what she must have thought was going on, and I started to laugh. As I laughed, she became more incensed and red-faced. When I regained my breath from laughing, I obviously had to explain that the buzzing she had somehow associated with self-pleasure.. was in fact my Oral-B electric toothbrush.

THe mind boggles. I’m not necessarily overly familiar with the apparatus myself, but, erm…. well. How you get to that conclusion, I’m just not sure. But considering that I’ve been to the gym everyday for the past two weeks, and seen her there 10 out of 14 times… well, I brush my teeth in the shower. What’s so wrong with that?

I walked away to her mumbled apologies and scarlet face, chuckling under my breath, wondering whether or not I would be able to tell anyone this story without dying.

What do you think?