Who Am I?
I’m stuck in a moment and I’m not escaping it .. I’m listening to the White Stripes “We Are Gonna Be Friends”. It’s 2.30am on Sunday morning. I’m feeling wide-awake. In the minutes it took me to piece those words together into a sentence, one song has become another. I’m feeling wide-awake. Doing this test from Dani’s site took up some time.
Just cos you might be curious, here’s who the web says I am ..
My Personal Dna Report
The Cold Cold Night
In putting words to the screen, I am finally finding the sleepy roll of the eyes I was longing for hours ago. I’ve been wasting time until I could hold my eyes open any longer .. for the sake of avoiding the moments spent lying awake avoiding the blankness of the ceiling.
I have a billion thoughts running through my head and the person that I most want to talk to about them just isn’t here. The next person I’d like to talk about them, probably isn’t that interested, and the third is my mother. I’m not sure what she would think.
There are moments of clarity that make the mundane melodramatic, and harken our hearts to a sense of deeper mystery than we might otherwise see in the day to day. Tonight was one such moment, as I picked up a copy of the North Shore Times featuring a front page interview and photo with Blake. Here’s a copy of the official press release from the Vice-Chancellors office. Something about the angle that they took on the article (he is planning an undergrad degree in biochemistry, hoping to work on researching cancer cures) and the photograph of him wearing his regular clothes, his regular cross around his neck = smiling in that relaxed kind of way he has; brought the reality of his imminent departure home a little more.
The realisation that he will never be the same, but also that he will inevitably now end up doing things for the cause of greater humanity. I will soon be accused of being over-emotional about the whole thing – but he’s been such an enormous encouragement and support over the past few weeks.. the roles completely reversed! I thought I was the pastor. I find myself writing advice to him in my head .. things that don’t make sense like “don’t be in a rush to grow up too fast, but don’t stay a kid too long.” It’s in the aftermath of that, I realise he’s already grown up and interacting with the world and a ridiculously overprotective streak in me, wants to say no.. that he is too precious for the world to spoil with any more cynicism, evil or hopelessness.