There’s Forever One Day Left
I usually write with a certain amount of obscurity about the deeply interpersonal things in my life. It’s usually because I’m all at once paradoxically shy and trying to be respectful of the fact that just because I live my life in this parallel window; not everyone else involved in my life wants to. Normally, I write just enough so that the people who know, know.

So I have this friend, whom I adore. Unashamedly and unabashedly. I see no reason to not be honest about this. Intellectually stimulating, he makes me laugh and sometimes cry. I find him all at once encouraging, comforting and challenging. His companionship pushes me to pursue greater heights and deeper depths. It’s not always been a relationship in healthy balance though. For a while, I lost it in fact. And whilst it was a good, health-restoring, perspective bringing 6 months; something in me sparked to life again when over the Easter weekend.. things almost went back to normal.

The sad thing is that I’m scared that I’ve lost the art of conversation with him. Where once I could communicate every thought with clarity, now I’m cautious about honesty, for fear that things will be misunderstood and the distance will be put back in place. Not altogether dissimilar from my youthful intermittent intimacy with God. All I am asking is that God will show me the way to honour this fragile gift that inspires me and grows me.. in a way that it will not again be allowed to hamper or restrain me.

My instinct still tells me that a platonic partnership with this follower of Jesus would only give birth to greatness; both in character deepening struggle and achievement. But I am not an easy person, methinks. Too intense, too demanding, too focused, too needy for intimate and intelligent connection. God, shine a light again, where once you showed the way so clearly. There is no path where you do not go ahead of me.

Song Of The Moment : When She Believes
Ben Harper

The good Lord is such a good Lord
With such a good mother too
They have blessed me
In the good graces of you
I have heard a hundred violins crying
And I have seen a hundred white doves flying
But nothing is as beautiful
As when she believes in me

How good it must feel
To be so young and free
And a song that pleases a queen
Will always please me
I have heard the wisest of wisdom
And I have dined in palaces and kingdoms

But nothing is as beautiful
As when she believes in me

Now, all of life
Is just passing the time
Until once again
Your eyes look into mine
I have been adored by a stranger
And I have heard the whispering angel

But nothing is as beautiful
As when she believes in me