Here’s What I’m Thinking Lord
i’m thinking too much. there’s a lot of things that i’m juggling.. hopes and dreams and desires. there are things that are really hard to let go of, and things that i’m not sure i want to pick up. at the bottom of the swirling tidepool, I look up and know that i don’t know what you are saying, or not saying, trying to give, or trying to take away.
i’m so caught up in the future that my right now is terrifyingly out of control. and even if out of my control and into yours, is where I want it to be.. the insides of me are all out of kilter and uncomfortable because I’m not certain about where I should be heading. I’m not even sure about what i want to do.
i know that this is the kind of person I want to be; wise and available.
generous, creative, leading and enpowering those underneath me. I want to be free and to pioneer new things, I want to innovate, re-create, resource, build on, tear down and build into new life.
God, I am powerless against my humanity that reaches into to the depths of me and grapples with holding on, letting go. I am powerless in the face of my need to be loved, my desire to belong, my longing for encouragement.
By my emptiness today, I commit my ways to your hand. I look to You to relight the footlamps. I look to you to show me where I must lie down, and where I must die. And I look to you for hope.. hope not just for personal fulfilment, but hope for a life that will change the people I live around.
a life that will be honouring, a life that will love abundantly and deeply and will mirror Christ.
In my emptiness I look to Your hand to supply my need. Reveal to me where you are working and moving so that I might follow you there. Peace is in the presence of my Lord, going about his work.
Let me listen now, and for the day.. show me again, pictures and dreams.
Forgive me and heal me. Cleanse me and make me again yours.