I can’t say too much yet, but suffice it to say that it in the current climate of sadness and struggle – there is the bright light and strange possibility of a brief sojourn back into a former career. More details after Thursday, but stay tuned in cos they were some fun old days.
UPDATE
Things are progressing nicely. The first meeting went well. There’s some listening to be done and then a few more perfunctory things before there’s a contract on the table.
there are the dark days
that cloud the mind right from the start
there are the eulogies i compose
for my own goodbyes
there are the melodies i’ve learned
to sing by heart when i’m alone, afraid
my life has been a song of sorrows
there is a quietness that i have never shaken
a terrifying absence and depression
that most of what i dream of will never come to pass
cos i imagine life too big before i even start
and my ambition is to make a difference
as large a one as i ever could concieve
and my name may never be made known
my ambition stays the same
i’d make a difference to your heart
i’ve read ten thousand names and whispered them aloud
i’ve spent long nights awake perfecting every part
i’ve listened to the heartbeat of a thousand lives
and heard the same refrain, and i’ve tried to make a difference
there are the words that stick
within the corners of the mind
there are the tears that start
with any memory of long hard nights
there are the sad songs and poems
that walk me through the days
my life has been a song of sorrows
and my ambition is to make a difference
collecting all the stories my life is made of
and if i could somehow remember all their names
my ambition was to make a difference to your heart
and their names would make the finest start
my eulogy can start anytime you like
as soon as you feel satisfied, i’ll take the walk
i simply ask to see a thousand faces beside the Son
and remember me where i made a difference to your heart
Why Sometimes A Haircut Is Better Than Sex.. And Men Are So Good At It
Amos Lee sang “I am at ease in the arms of a woman…” and he’d be right, I am. Growing up in a family of all women, there is nothing unusual or even second thought-y about experiencing extreme levels of intimacy with a woman whether trying on wedding dresses, underwear, sharing a bed during sleepovers, plucking eyebrows, waxing.. you name it.
This last week I was a bridesmaid, which meant two things. Firstly, I had to get my hair sorted out for colour etc (can’t quite believe that there are grey hairs on this head, but it’s true) and then go back for the ‘do on Saturday.
Well, colour sorted on Thursday last week and I was shampooed, conditioned, treated, massaged and rinsed by Joel. To be honest, I don’t really care what his name was. There was something seductive, raw, beatiful and utterly sensory about being in the hands of a man. Then on Saturday, I lucked out again with another man doing the shampoo thing.
So.. excuse the analysis for a minute but… I’m so used to holding my own head up all the time, and there is something reassuring about the strength and the capacity of a man’s hand. I relax utterly because there is something secure in it.
There is something powerful in it because I am being served by a man – it’s an unusual proposition for me – being physically cared for, served by a man.
There is something honest in it because so much of what women do for beauty, they do for the sake of men (and themselves, but men have a lot to do with it) and so it is well-balanced to engage men in the art of making someone beautiful – because who better to know that craft.
There is something sexual in it because it suggests that in one non-sexual act both male and feminine are somehow entwined in a strange reversal of roles. It was a strange intimacy but it was intimate nonetheless.. as one man ‘prepared’ me for an encounter with a world of them. If he was pleased with his work.. well, it’s reassuring.
Last night some friends came for dinner and after watching the stars for a while, we traipsed inside and sat in the midst of great audio to have a High Fidelity moment.
Our playlist consisted of the following and some friends..
Lauren Thomson : Our Love Is Due
Anika Moa : Ka Whakahuia Ano
Dave Dobbyn : Stay
Ray Charles : Wish You Were Here Tonight
Earthsuit : Sky Flashings
kd lang : A Case Of You
Jeff Buckley : Hallelujah
Roberta Flack : Killing Me Softly
Bruce Cockburn : Nicaragua
Joss Stone : I’ve Got A Right To Be Wrong
Carole King : Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
Ben Kolarcik : You Are A Beautiful Song
Johnny & June Cash : It Takes One To Know Me
Dave Matthews : Stay Or Leave/Up And Away
Pour a whiskey and enjoy.
it takes a long time to love
cos love is a creeping vine
entangles and entwines you
and it likes to take it’s time
gets deeper with each winter
each sorrowed autumn drought
and the spring rains in September
they give seed to love itself
when first you thought you ever knew him
and years before you did
there were glimmers in the heart, before the loving ever starts
just a whisper you belong here
safe within his strong heart arms
and the chuckle of surrender along a girlish tender laugh
when first i knew you love was hurried
a faint and grand idea but it’s settled on my secret heart
your name, and love has grown there
five long summers in six years, broken dreams along the way
whilst i thought once had loved so truly
our true love grew on the way
call me home within that strong heart
where I’ve shared some sorrows too
and the joy of our long love dear, is what brings me home to you.
and when i’m far from you remember just how deep this love has grown
i am yours now, all entangled and your strong heart is my own.
it takes a long time to love
love likes to take it’s time
might take an hour every day for six years in a row
might take a full moon and a promise when love starts to grow
leave time love, for the fighting, for wounds to heal a mite
and the love gets better for the depths of it, the loving’s better for the scars
keep a picture of the heart in envy
take one in ecstasy, and let them both live in the memory
so you see what love can be
take me home into that strong heart,
to the only home I know
and make me laugh dear, with the memories
of the long road home to here.
i built this hard, love, with my fierce heart
i refused to let you go, once i realised what we were dear
what love we have become.
they might ask me why a strong man, when i could have asked for less
but i’ll say i wanted heart, your strong heart that loved me best.
we work so hard to make a life but the love is big enough
and that’s why it is so hard at times because the love is much too much
it took so long to learn surrender, my truth, but i learn it from your arms.