by tashmcgill | Sep 4, 2014 | Culture & Ideas, Friendship, Love & Marriage
Here’s what I wrote on Facebook this Valentine’s Day: just a thought about constructing love that lasts whatever the relationship context may be. I wrote it because I believe that Love is something made over time. It might begin in a moment or a series of moments – but for it to last it must be crafted, thoughtful, constructed, built, fixed, refashioned, renovated, added to over time with intention, creativity and purpose. It does not happen by accident. Love cannot be found, but Love comes looking for you. (more…)
by tashmcgill | Feb 27, 2013 | Community, Culture & Ideas, Love & Marriage, Poems, Prose & Poetry
I was privileged to attend a beautiful wedding in the weekend, proof sure enough that love still blossoms and people are brave enough to say vows (altogether different to promises) and stand up in front of friends and family to make that commitment to one another. Especially privileged was I, when Paula and Mark asked if I would write a poem to be read at the wedding. Which it turns out, is a beautiful opportunity to put down in words some of what I’ve been reflecting on; the goodness of marriage and the process it is.
More and more, I think that marriage isn’t about finding someone who ticks the boxes, with whom your life fits and feels complete – but choosing someone who you can build a life with. So the image of a garden seems appropriate – we don’t marry because we’ve discovered something beautiful, but because we want to create something beautiful. So this is the poem that I wrote and read for my darling friends. (more…)
by tashmcgill | Nov 22, 2012 | Love & Marriage, Spirituality
I write on a regular basis for a Christian column of young writers. Recently I wrote this piece which continues to sit with me as I ruminate on friendship, home, love and marriage these days. Within a Christian culture where women are still largely defined in relationship to their husbands and children, when ideas of ‘godly womanhood’ are overflowing bookstore shelves and womens’ events are all the rage – if the traditional church’s answer to singledom is ‘Trust in the Lord and wait..”, I’m not convinced that the liberal church has a better answer either. In fact, I’m not sure what the Church is really saying at all.
Is It Really Ok To Be Single? – originally published here
These days, it’s rare to find a mainstream media commentator that raises their voice in a way that resonates with the church– but I read an opinion article by Shelley Bridgeman a couple of weeks ago that did just that. The writer asked the questions “Is it really ok to be single?” from the premise that society by and large still discriminates in many ways against those who are unmarried, either by choice or circumstance. (more…)
by tashmcgill | Nov 7, 2012 | Culture & Ideas, Love & Marriage
I’m currently in one of my favorite writing spaces; facing south west as the Pacific Surfliner cruises out of Los Angeles and towards San Diego.
The airport today was a flurry of businessmen rushing off the plane, followed by exhausted parents of small people giddy with dreams of stars on Hollywood Blvd and the theme parks of Anaheim. The NZ Maori rugby team were in transit to London. And I, a tapestry of weaving emotions felt like I was both leaving and coming home.
What is home, anyway? I’ve been defining and redefining home my entire life. I’ve found home in places, events, moments in time, music, bars. But home is people too, so maybe the old adage is true, home really is where the heart is and the heart can only be found with people. (more…)
by tashmcgill | Oct 19, 2012 | Culture & Ideas, Love & Marriage, Spirituality
This weekend, I’m going to be participating in a conversation about same-sex marriage, the various views on the subject and our response as a Christian faith community, as well as the implications. This is a subject I’ve been waiting on for years – because it’s a magnificent opportunity to redefine marriage at every level.
I first wrote about the definition of marriage as spiritual vs legal before it was even conceivable that the New Zealand government would move towards this legislation in the next 30 years. It was circa 1996 and reeling from the speedy marriage and divorce of some friends, I questioned the legal and civil process by which the dissolution of the marriage took place, in comparison to the associated impact on children, community and relationships.
The same-sex marriage debate raises those thoughts for me again, because I believe in order to have a reasonable discussion, you need to approach the debate with the right questions. So, I’ll quote from a piece I wrote for Christianity Today (bearing in mind that the last paragraph was edited externally) but here’s the quick summary.
- Marriage of any kind, is not the domain of the Church alone. Cultures throughout history have formed marriage rituals for the formalization of societal arrangements by which to raise children and manage property.
- Why should ministers of religion be charged with carrying out civil tasks?
- Can it be possible for the Church to decline to marry those with opposing beliefs around human sexuality, but not refuse those who decline any spiritual belief at all?
- Entering into the state of Marriage (legal) does not presume entry into any spiritual state of marriage, a holy union or otherwise. In it’s essence, the marriage licenses we sign are contracts, made with promises but they are not promises of spiritual intent and union.
(more…)
by tashmcgill | Dec 11, 2007 | Love & Marriage, Relationships
A few years ago, I let love grow deeply within my heart. It didn’t grow into anything fruitful, at least not on the outside. But I learned a lot about how to love someone wholly and completely.
It’s so easy to craft an image of love that is somehow shallow and momentarily fulfilling, pinning that to an ideal of romantic soulmates. As if somehow solving the mystery, finding your way through the maze to the goal of love fulfills purpose. In doing so, it can be so easy then to look around your present circumstances and feel less than.
However, when I think about the belly-shaking, heart-warming feeling that you’re supposed to get at the end of romantic movies… I get that all the time. In fact, I get that feeling every second day or so just opening my email inbox and seeing the names there.. people from all over the world that know me and dare I say.. like me and love me even a little bit.
After all – whether I am partnered by a lover, or by a team, or by my dearest friends… the expression of love may vary, but deep true Love in my life is present, and what I have of Love right now is more than enough. To be known in words, deeds, mannerisms. People who know what I’m thinking – I have all those things. People who stand beside me and love me, correct me and cheerlead. There are even people who believe in me more than I believe in myself… so what more is there? Anything more than this would be an abundance.. and a good good blessing, but not necessary. The Love I have right now is big and gutsy and resounding. I feel it in my belly all the way to my toes. I speak out the names of Love in my life and feel stronger and stronger.
Perhaps, it is the fear that I will be ok and that perhaps all the waiting is better spend in living. Because the Love I have is so much more than I could imagine or dream of. Perhaps it is the fear that in letting go of our peer expectations, our definitions of fulfilment, our idea of satisfaction.. we will be irrevocably changed. Is it enough to be satisfied, to love well and be well loved? To find expressions of physical intimacy that are appropriate and safe, that are engaged in the best of humanity. To recognise the fullness of life in the oneness of human life. To suggest that the key to Genesis is the ‘helpmeet’, the partnership..
In fact to go one step further and suggest that we are called to partner with each other in many varied and unique ways.. and these connections of love, expression and strength are in fact, the deepness and beauty of being in Love.
The love that I share, and am blessed with is still deep, abiding, gutsy love.
Not all women want to be maidens pursued. But then there are times when you do. Sometimes I want to be rescued, and sometimes I just want to be cheered on from the sidelines. Sometimes I really want other people to take charge, and sometimes no one needs to be in charge. The image I like most is discovering Love where it has already been waiting to be seen. The revelation of where Love is already abiding. I have a friend who I’ve known for years that I’m only just uncovering a deep Love for, a shared partnership and commonality. Still… I’m just a girl, and I’m prone to change my mind.
