It Finishes.
Last week was the official end of my tenure at Windsor Park. For nearly five years, I’ve been an intern or employed within the youth department there. On Sunday, we induct 2 new fulltime youth/young adult pastors. My job is finished, there’s no more cash to support part-time specialists. I’ve been asked to stay and continue in my role as volunteer youth leader and volunteer leader of the evening community creative ministries team. It’s a very strange time for me.

I had thought that I was going to finish at the end of June, and found out that wasn’t the case about 2 weeks before the day rolled around. Then it came and went without a phonecall, or an email. The kinds of things that would usually bring about scorn and criticism, frustration and disappointment in a forum like this. I’m just saying what happened to be honest about it, because it also gives us an opportunity to choose the response to have. Even those with the best of intentions and most genuine concerns, have a remarkable ability to screw up HR work. And I do mean HR, not PR..

Last night I was at the office until about 10.30pm or so, with my friend Rochelle, packing up, throwing out and redistributing the chaos of five years worth of ministry. Many of the photocopied lesson notes, bible study plans, creative ministy ideas and sessions have been collected, refined and definitive of my ‘ministry’ since I started with intermediates 11 years ago.

As I drove down my driveway last night, I was a little teary and a lot heavy-hearted. It just seems wrong that all that information, all those ideas of others and myself, all that time and effort is going to be stored in my head, my heart and my house, instead of at a church somewhere. Because there is a difference between being a volunteer and being a staff person, whether people realise you’re a staff person or not.

It must almost have something to do with how much we allow ourselves to invest in the work around us. That being a staff person gives you permission to care that much in a culture that does their bit, and then gets on with life.

I read Nouwen as I went to bed, with tears and sadness and uncertainty about what church will look like now, under these new hands, that need time to shape and stir and taste the community pot of Windsor Park…

“You have not yet fully found your place in your community. Your way of being present to your community may require times of absence, prayer, writing, or solitude. These too are times for your community. They allow you to be deeply present to your people and speak words that come from God in you. When it is part of your vocation to offer your people a vision that will nurture them and allow them to keep moving forward, it is crucial that you give yourself the time and space to let that vision mature in you and become an integral part of your being.

Your community needs you. but maybe not as a constant presence. Your community might need you as a presence that offers courage .and spiritual food for the journey, a presence that creates the safe ground in which others can grow and develop, a presence that belongs to the matrix of the com­munity. But your community also needs your creative absence.”

“Your future depends on how you decide to remember your past. Choose for the truth of what you know. Do not let your still anxious emotions distract you. As you keep choosing God, your emotions wi1l gradually give up their rebellion and be converted to the truth in you.”

The Inner Voice of Love – Henri Nouwen

It Comes To An End – NZ Music Month 2007

It was a matter of discussion in the office this afternoon, that for NZ Music Month, there’s not been much more live music about town.. mostly NZ Music Month has simply meant an increase in NZ on Air programming on C4, Juice TV and the regular channels. A bit more radio coverage and a few black tshirts around town. Hmm.

Meanwhile, here is my favourite tune of the day.

Song of the Moment : Not Given Lightly
by Chris Knox

Hello my friend
It’s morning, time to wake now
In body, in mind
Entwined will have to break now
But I need your flesh
Your warmth to stay beside me
Oh how I wish
You could be deep inside me
Show me your eyes
Your low most tender feeling
And I’ll give you mine
Be truthful and revealing

And it’s you that I love
And it’s true that I love
And it’s love not given lightly
But I knew that it’s love
And it’s you that I love
And it’s more than what it might be

When we’re alone
I cannot always face you
Maybe my mood
Won’t let these arms embrace you
But that doesn’t mean
My love’s somehow diminished
Give me the time
To show our love’s unfinished

And it’s you that I love
And it’s true that I love
And it’s love not given lightly
But I know that it’s love
And it’s you that I love
And it’s more than what it might be

And every word I say is true

What can I say?
The words destroy all meaning
There’s only cliches
To get across this feeling

This is a love song
For john and liesha’s mother
This isn’t easy
I might not write another

And it’s you that I love
And it’s true that I love
And it’s love not given lightly
But I knew that it’s love
And it’s you that I love
And it’s more than what it might be

Attitude
I’ve been thinking a lot about the requirements of intercession that are held so strongly in tension with the insight or observations that we make of the world around us and the people we interact with.

I’m in serious need of a holiday, because I am finding this so hard. I’m so tired that I’m lazy in the discipline of graciousness and holiness which should be so common day. I’m finding it far too easy to neglect those basic daily tasks which actually restore so much life and revival.

Song of the Moment – You
by Fisher

It’s late now, time to sleep
Close your eyes, go to dreams

Clouds on walls and blue skies
Mommy’s sun, her moon, her stars

And you, you make me run
And you, you make me want to live

Your smiles – well they make my day
You don’t know it yet but you’re everything

This little song – well it’s for you
These lovely years here with you

And you, you make me run
And you, you make me want to live

And you, you make me run
And you, you make me want to live
For you

When You Don’t Find What You’re Looking For In The Usual Places..

I’m going on a journey with a good friend at the moment. I’ll say that it’s a journey we’re on together, because I’ve taken the liberty and he’s created the opportunity for a commitment to walking the path with him.

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns, and the boundaries you grew up building your life inside need to change, because life is bigger and messier than what those boundaries allow for.

It reminds me of the Fences & Wells picture. You don’t need boundaries if you dig deep enough wells. The cattle learn for themselves to stay close to the source. Boundary lines and fences create false realities. You might be perfectly safe within the lines, but you still need to know where to find the Living Water.

Epidemics of the young adult community could be described and defined by the exploration of a couple of ideas that keep floating around my brain; ideas that are all part of the latest journey I’ve committed to being part of.

1. Being a “young adult” is a transition and not a lifestage.
Basically – being a young adult is being on the way to something else – adulthood. Adulthood carries all the implications of development, responsibility, understanding, cognitive thinking ability, recognition of risk and assessment etc. When you start to treat this transition period as a “stage of life” ministry, you actually inhibit the need for ‘graduating’ from adolescent development to fully-fledged adulthood, hence trapping mid-late 20-somethings into post-juvenile behaviour patterns and sociological norms.

2. Theological understanding still does not correlate to “relationship with God”.
There are still too many people in my own generation that can discuss theological moots at length and feel self-satisfied at the end of it. However, the ability to discourse with theological, even ‘spiritual’ prowess is moderately hampered when it comes to relating to a God that operates and calls His followers out of the boundary lines of ‘normal society’. This creates an uncomfortable tension for thinking believers when confronted with a faith that requires them to re-create the canvas of their lives. Our approach to spiritual education and development has left people theologically equipped but life-application deprived. When challenged to seek God’s direction, they stumble to find how to pray, how to listen, how to interpret and especially how to wait. The ancient practices of holiness and devotion are almost completely foreign.

So, one could say that there is little impetus to ‘grow up’ and even less practical, common societal education about how to ‘grow up’ without replicating the boundaries found common in the lives of parents, church leaders, society leaders.

The issue here, and that is common to the journey that brings me to this point – is that the mere replication of the behaviours, beliefs and practices of our parent’s generation isn’t the goal. The world has changed so dramatically since the 1960s that it would be imprudent to imagine God’s outworking in the world hasn’t expanded in all the same ways that our basic human expression & communication habits have.

Therefore…
When you’ve looked in all the usual places for the pathway of your life, for the vision, the purpose, the call, to find the ‘river’ so to speak .. and you’ve come up trumps…. how do you go about digging a well (I suspect that the well looks a lot like some basic disciplines) while you take down the fences… all the while trying to impart bravery and courage to the one for whom parameters and expectations are slowly shifting.

You start by looking in the unusual places. Ok, we’ve done that. Now the next exciting part of the journey begins.

In Other “Thinking News”

Aw, shucks. Etnobofin has tagged me with one of these…

A couple of days ago Marko was tagged as well, so I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by the calibre here! However, let’s face it .. these are more of a gimmick than anything else, but I’ll happily play along. Here’s how it works; the participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

So.. here are the “thinking five”… (in the interests of being honest, I HAVE to revisit…)

1. PostSecret – this is consistently challenging, invigorating and inspiring pop culture.
2. Mark Oestreicher – now a friend, as well as one of a small number of ‘thinking’ youthworkers. We need more people who will engage with the science & the faces of youth ministry.
3. Stu McGregor – I don’t always agree with Stu, but I certainly appreciate his unique and strong perspectives on theology, community and youth ministry. His journey into the next phase is going to be worth walking alongside.
4. Paul Windsor – Principal of Carey Baptist College and one of the practical theologians and hymn-lovers I respect so much.
5. …. I’m going to have to decide tomorrow.

Let The Bells Go Ringing
It used to be that when you got engaged, you rushed out and booked venues, dressmakers and starting choosing china patterns. Seems more like these days before you even go couples shopping for the ring, you get yourself a joint email address. And that’s the way it goes.

Eastercamp 2007
It was an incredible 5 days. Find someone who went and get a story out of them. I’ll tell my stories later. I was glad to have Mic Duncan and Marko with us. Especially to have the whole Oestreicher family. They were a bunch of fun.

Responses & Altars
People are starting to let their comments about camp filter through – and the feedback about the ‘lack of response times’ is really interesting. There were actually plenty of responses, and the counselling room was opening just about every session.. so I’m not sure whether it’s the kids or the leaders who are bothered by the shift.

Team
I have the most amazing team of people and my love for them is so large that I can barely express it. The heart and soul people of this team just blow me away, and I think that I am so blessed to walk amongst them.

Coming Home

i see the light rising over the hills
and I know that I’m getting closer
day by day to where I’m gonna be
and I know i’m still far from home
cos I wasn’t made for this place baby
I was just made for you

it’s an alien footprint on this land
and colourful sand flies through my hands
i remember the scent of summer and the
warmth the hands of my father the one time
he held me close to him, so far from home
cos I wasn’t made for this place baby
I was just made for you
home is just around the corner
in a year or two, sometime i’ll get back home

days crumble into night and I’m all for escaping
there’s no truth to the height of your passion
and the colour of treason you left me behind
the savagery of lovers when they push from the bed
cos I wasn’t made for this place baby
but i’m stuck here to be close to you

i wasn’t made for this place baby
my home is on a distant shore and i’m
not all that certain of how long it’ll be
before i’m home, before i’m free but I’m
pressing on to the truth, to the light and
I know i’m washing you clean, here..
while I’m stuck being close to you…