by tashmcgill | Apr 23, 2005 | Uncategorized

I Am Undone By It
My blogging here is inconsistent in recent days, but my thinking is not. I am active in mind, although my days are being consumed by mindless nothingness. I am trying to be missional in my workplace.. but the realities of it are challenging.

Last night I went to the movies to see ‘The Interpreter’. It moved me more than a movie has in a long long long time. Sean Penn moves me. He makes me believe that he really is living and breathing his character. He must be amazing to sit with. So engaged. So inviting and deep.

I’ve just finished watching Original Sin. It’s been a long time since I have felt this depth of connectivity. It may be because the moon is nearly full, and that always affects deep changes in me. It may be because I am still somewhat numb from the last month.

I am still amazed and awash with some of the things happening around me.
I am blessed. I am lonely. I am deepening and stretching out. I am looking around.

by tashmcgill | Apr 21, 2005 | Uncategorized

Speak Out

Speak out, speak out
lift up your voice
for the heavens are calling out
saints relief

speak out, speak out
lift up your hands
spread out your faith
and call on home

speak out, speak out
carry on, carry on
live high and wide
be deep and true

and speak out speak out
every word you can think of
that tells the story

i miss you too
i miss you too
i miss you too
my faithful one
my faithful true

my friend is you

by tashmcgill | Apr 14, 2005 | Uncategorized

The Great Thing

the great thing about temping is that you get to go in and then go out again without too much pressure. you never have to be thinking about the meeting in the morning, the project you should be further ahead with. the invoice you misplaced, the boss you don’t like, the guy in the other corner office that you do.

no, when you’re a temp, you cruise into your desk. you are under no obligation to make pleasant conversation for the sake of maintaining a false sense of ‘family at work’. You can be as silent or as extroverted as you like. No one has grand expectations of you, hence it’s easy to exceed them.

and when you’re a temp like me, quick with picking up new skills, fast with data entry and typing, easily multitasking .. you get to focus most of your conscious attention on the office dynamic. the whining woman who stretches out coffee breaks, bathroom breaks, trips to the stationery cupboard and smoko breaks. the slightly younger woman who is more competent and is too ambitious for her slow-paced administrative environment, who takes careful note of how inefficient her coworkers are. the slightly older, diligent one who works through her lunchbreaks, watching me as I watch everyone else around me.

I Miss My Lovely Girl, Dani
but I will be comforted because my lovely girl Wendy is coming to visit this weekend.

by tashmcgill | Apr 12, 2005 | Uncategorized

Stumbling Towards Bethlehem

the day is long over at least in my mind, but i’m still sitting awake until the sun comes up, there’s just no peace of mind.

i do these things to my own self, feel overwhelmed and then undone at once.
I’m working on assignments and ambitions. I’m slowly falling asleep where I sit, and waiting for morning. i’m going to love closing my eyes in my bed tonight.

Song Of The Moment : The Christmas Song
Dave Matthews

Father up above, why in all this hatred have you filled
Me up with love
Fill me love love love
Love love
And the blood of our children all around.

by tashmcgill | Apr 4, 2005 | Uncategorized

And All The World A Stage & We Are Simply Players Set Upon It

It’s not often that I’ll out and out admit that something doesn’t work. I’m far too prideful for that. I’ll point out the positives and the learning opportunities, as well as face up to that which won’t happen again.

There’s a strange insecurity that’s bred here on the North Shore in particular I think. The ethos of success has become so integral to the fabric of society, that many of the young leaders that I know are afraid to attempt that which may not be successful. It doesn’t bode well for a season of experiementation and augmentation within life and ministry, as well as approaches to ministry.

However, I remain a far too willing experimenteur (n. entrepreneurial experimenter). I am becoming a fervent believer in the Art of Experimentation. Experimenting with ideas, leadership, expression. Experimenting with relationships, communication, arts. Part of this Artform, inevitably becomes the admission of circumstance where evidential failure is greater than the potential learning curve. Sunday night at church was ultimately a great experiment. I think i pushed too many boundaries all at once. I experimented with physical, spiritual, programmatical and social space. I changed the stage layout, the service format, the content and the space for community chatter. Whoops.

This remains my comforting thought. Ultimately my life is comprised mostly of an empty room, like the one above. I have one yearly ritual offering of my best liturgy. In 5 days I put more effort into 8 meetings than all the rest of the years 55 or so gathering points. So for the most part, even in the Monday-Saturday planning.. my life comprises of ideas in an room of empty chairs.

5 days together is a journey, 5 days apart between gatherings is a lifetime of lost continuity and focus.