Desert Flowers.
I wandered in the desert for a long time. I wondered where I had come from. What was my reason? Why was I here? Am I just biology? If I am, does anything I choose to do matter? Really matter? After all, if I am accidental, then things just are what they are, and will be what they’ll be.
And why would I want to change any of that? Especially if I am only a spark of biology without destiny or design.
Accidental. This is the desert I lived in for a long time, believing that there was no reason. This was a desert without hope, because everything was fleeting and meaningless. There was nothing I knew of that had meaning beyond dust, dirt and biology.
But there are desert flowers that exist. They birth and grow in a land with endless sun, wind and little water. And a flower like that can’t happen by accident. You have to concieve of it, design a flower that can live in a desert… because one is a paradox to the other.
Design. The formation of ideas. The design of what is necessary to ensure survival. Design implies intent. Intent denotes reason, reason proves purpose.
I am a designer. I see problems as opportunities and to see what could be, to make what can be. I am a designer of life and human experience. Of my experience, despite the variables and constraints of the spaces I design within.
So perhaps my life is not accidental after all, just a desert flower. I was built for dry, stormy places. I am making ways for new streams of water in the desert. I am searching for signs of life that look differently from how I expected.
Blooming. Searching. Alive with intention.
Sometime On A Wednesday.
love is more thicker than forget : ee cummings
love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky
It Has Been Too Long Since We Were Together
This has been a week of long nights, early mornings, rushed words, hasty dreams, dark clouds, pinot noir, the absence of cigar smoke, longing for some things, craving others, wallowing in sensory pleasure and the grasping pain of it. It’s not even been a week, after all, today is Wednesday and things only started on Sunday.
But it’s too long since we’ve been together, my heart and I.. so we have snatched tender moments in the days and nights..
1. Sunset on Monday in golden light, breaking bread and drinking wine for the sake of art, film, magic, storytelling and Hope.
2. An friend of many days and a corner store wine bar, laughing and telling stories of surprising mirth, sorrow and Hope.
3. A long day of fine-tuning, waiting, talking, discussing, listening, praying and Hoping.
Tonight the love affair with my soul continues.
It’s wednesday night and usually that would mean that I’m at youth group. At least it used to, in this community that I live in. Nowadays it means I usually work late, looking for something that will occupy the space and give it meaning. Some of my best work comes from Wednesday Weight Of The Absence.
So – I’m writing for the kids – my kids. Cos without being too petty.. even tho I don’t got kids of my own anymore, in eight days time, I’ll have 3500 of them at least. And for four days, I do youth ministry. Only four days to change the world. Anyone want to come with me?
Oh, For The Hell Of It
Earlier I posted here about our mainstream show at eastercamp this year. Sure enough, we’ve booked Elemenop, Streetwise Scarlet, Midnight Youth, Arms Reach and crowd favourites Mumsdollar to play this year.
The feedback has been heavy, expected and equally disappointing.
…Only what is Righteous and Holy should be presented before God. If you were standing before God would you have a clear conscience that the bands chosen glorify him on the weekend that he was crucified?
… we gather together to Glorify Christ for what he has done for us, not listen to a bunch of non Christian bands, we gather together to encourage each other and worship Christ. This is where we feel we cannot affirm the current decisions made here for Easter camp as a church family.
.. I really wanted to get clarification where you guys were headed as I am extremely uncomfortable where the camp is heading spiritually and we are starting to take steps to protect our teens in our youth groups.
.. As a pastor you can understand where I’m coming from I hope, we only want the best we can for our church family. And ultimately we are responsible for the teens we send there as leadership in our church, and before God.
.. I will not apologize for the Gospel, and if it is not going to be preached, I will pull you up on it. This is my duty as a fellow Christian. Iron sharpens iron, You need to know, we’re not into social justice, were into the Word of God and Christ Crucified. That’s the real gospel, teens need to hear that message.
This is exactly the kind of feedback that we expected from some groups, but it gives me great delight to hold on fast once again to the values that we do hold precisely so dear. When we gather together each Easter, we absolutely preach the Gospel, steady and true. We use scripture, story, image, you name it. More than that even, we present a Gospel that is very living, very real and very much in the trenches, exactly where Christ ground it out.
I love the story of the Wesley brothers, who vowed at one time to only ever use the basest, most vile and common language that was to be understood by the people, so that there would be no hindrance to their hearing of the Gospel of Grace and Truth. It’s in our ministry, care and concern for the last, the least and the lost that we find ourselves on the precipice of dangerously vile ground.
I like living here. This is a space that will change the face of the church in NZ in fifteen years, because as I’m sure so many will agree, a Gospel without true justice isn’t any Gospel at all. Grace and Justice and inexplicably connected in this faith. I’m even prepared for camp to get smaller, so that the Truth can get bigger. As if everything single thing we do at camp isn’t buried at the foot of Christ first.
Imagine.. a Gospel without a love for the lost. That’s exactly what I hear in these words. John Macarthur would be loving this guy, but I end up feeling just sad at the misled unfortunate shadow that’s being cast here. If you’re so concerned with the preciseness of truth, how does one account for half, if not all the apostles of the first church? Bring it on, I say.
As if our God is scared for one second of a cutesy pop lyric that doesn’t use the word Hallelujah. As my friend Rob Harley is quick to point out on the phone the other night… Simon and Garfunkel hit the nail on the head when in the 60’s they said “the words of a prophets are written on the subway walls” when the church was still busy blessing the Lamb and singing Glory.
See, the world is calling out for Truth, crying out over injustice, burdened with sorrows. And her modern day prophets sing the songs that make the earth groan… who couldn’t hear that and respond.
Human Music.
Or Skin Frequencies
Isn’t it incredible that when God let music fall from heaven, He reserved one set of melodies and harmonies for instruments of skin? We are touch-sensitive creatures.. areas of skin that are sacred, that are public, that are neutral. Touch corresponds to dozens of hidden messages wrapped up in scent, sight, touch, smell… and these sensations are like an orchestra pit in the belly or the womb. There is a sacred song playing somewhere when I connect with human music.
The right touch does wonders in a touch-starved world. Sometimes there is a longing for human music when no other song seems to fit. It’s a song of Job, a song of Solomon, a song of Moses and Miriam, even of Mary. There’s an endless frequency to be found in skin on skin. The embrace, the holding of the hand. The subtle invasion of body space to leave a mark or caress on the arm of another. The stolen kiss on the top of the head, the forehead or the back. (Those are some of my favourite places to say I appreciate you to the nearest and dearest – a chaste kiss on the glancing tip of a shoulder blade, an apex of strength and grace).
Who Am I, Who Are We?
I had the opportunity in the weekend just been to escape from preparations and speak to a group of young people at their annual church camp.
I had a group of 20 high schoolers, ranging from 13 – 17, mostly female to entertain for approx 4.5 hours over the weekend. I didn’t really know much about the group, just their ages really. Most were Christian of a sort, with a few from non-Christian homes. It was a weekend to get to know a group.
UNIQUELY YOU – The first session.
I gave each person two pieces of card and a coloured marker while we were sitting in a circle. I asked them to partner with the person next to them and trace one another’s hands onto the card, one for the left and one for the right. We reflected on what the hands looked like.
Then I asked them to take whichever hand was their “doing” hand, and on the hand write or draw words and symbols for all the things that they are uniquely good at, passionate about, like doing. Natural talents and hobbies.. everything that they can do.
Onto the other hand (usually left), I asked them to put all the things in life that they value – the Values they live by and for. Many drew rings to symbolise marriage and family on a ring finger. Talked about family, friends, hope.
Then in the group, we went around the circle and gave a few moments to each person, for the group to say positive things that they thought, felt or knew. The person had to write down what the group said about them on their “values” hand.
We then talked about Psalm 139, and being utterly unique in our DNA for skills and passions. We placed all the hands in a circle and could see plainly, how different each person was. Those that had similar skills had vastly different passions and values. Each person was unique.
I spoke about how serving God and loving God is also about coming to know yourself how God has made you to be. Talked about common sense, and living by your true self, living in the creation that God made you to be, rather than in other people’s expectations. We talked about how we could be those people, live those radically well-chosen lives, pointing out that the end decisions might be the same but the process and purpose is different.
Talked about living in such a way that maximises that talents we have been given, in line with our values – or choosing the also-valid, middle ground.
UNIQUELY US – The second session.
We returned the next day and began with another piece of card. Briefly reviewing the last session, we started by asking each student to write down one positive characteristic of the youth group in the centre of the card, largely. Then we went around the circle again, and each person shared the word that they chose and why. Each person wrote these words around their centre word until the whole card was filled.
I then read from 1 Corinthians 12, about the body. How the uniqueness of our individual hands, also makes up a unique blueprint for our community, but that we can exercise choice. We can choice how to interact and serve one another as community. Talked specifically about how saying that you’re not part of the body, actually doesn’t make you any less an ear or an eye.
We then talked about the important of needing Grace and to hear Forgiveness in order to be all you are, to be fully accepted as yourself (session #1). I read James 5:13-17. Talked about the power of forgiving one another all the time, practising Grace constantly, and creating safe places to share the fullness of life with each other (joy, sorrow, sickness, sin).
I then asked the group to close their eyes, and put their hand up if they would feel safe sharing their deepest, darkest stuff in this group. I reminded them of all the positive and wonderful things they had said, but gave them the opportunity to be honest in their response. 3 out of 20 responded affirmatively. One of those was the youth pastor.
So, in revealing that to the group, the atmosphere changed. We talked about the difference between wanting to be a community like that, and actually being one. I then split the group into pairs again, but this time they had to work with someone they didn’t know. They had to answer two questions..
1. what would our group look like and be like if we were a safe place to share and practicing grace and forgiveness?
2. what are some of the ways that we can go about practising grace in our community?
The discussion went on and on, until I asked the pairs to return to the circle and report back. Here’s what they came up with..
– nearly every pair reported that the group would be less cliche-y and more welcoming
– a number said that the group would be friendlier
– one pair said, “I think that we’d get bigger, we’d be a bigger group”
– they reported they would feel safer with each other, more secure, more belonging
– they thought they would have more compassion for others, would do more service
– they thought they would be able to genuinely help each other more
And how
– spend more time talking to each other
– tell each other what’s good about each other more often
– intentionally try to talk to everyone not just our friends in youth group, try and make sure everyone is included in the friendships
– spend more time together hanging out and just listening.
Closing:
We went back to the individual hands, and went back around the circle, this time asking the students to look at one another again, and see the unique and individual role that they had in helping to make that sort of change in the group. This is where I had to work hardest – to bring my observations of individual students as well as the peer responses together to make a constructive word for each.
However, it was amazing how the group responded. Comments about particular students being funny or always making others laugh, became recognised as encouragement gifts that are needed. We identified thermometers in the group, the kids who can always tell the atmosphere when it needs a shot in the arm. We recognised problemsolvers, and the observant ones that notice the kids left out and figure out how to connect to them. The students themselves picked out the leaders amongst them, and the impact it could have on their schools. The closer we got to the end of the circle, the more the students could identify and think about how each person’s unique DNA could really impact the journey of the group.
Lunch:
We finished and I prayed, then the group travelled to lunch. It was good good times to see, instead of 4 tables of young people sitting all over the dining hall, ONE group of twenty students from 13 – 17, pulling tables together and making a point of sitting with someone new next to them… without any prompting other than laying out the ideas and opening windows to see the world differently. It was a good day.
It made me feel HopeFULL.
Bring on 15 sleeps.