by tashmcgill | Jan 22, 2010 | Church, Uncategorized, worship, youth ministry
I’m aiming for a short post today. In the buildup to Parachute 2010 and coming out of my season at NYWC, my history with Eastercamp and other events in the spectrum – I’m thinking more and more about gatherings.
The Tipping Point
I loved encouraging, resourcing and inspiring youth workers with my work through Eastercamp – examining different expressions of community participation in experiential worship and story. But a one-off experience isn’t enough to sustain long-term or ongoing change. My tipping point, especially with the rest of the team was the shift we were making in core values. For a long time, the core value was fulfilling the role of resourcing and serving youthworkers. There was a point at which another focus, on numbers and getting bigger and bigger took over. It was based out of a genuine motive – we wanted to be as impacting as possible. But as a leadership team there were two very different ideas as to how to get there.
We had been experiencing consistent growth for about 9 years at this point – every year increasing 7 – 23% of our overall numbers. One idea was to throw everything at strategies that would attract other large denominational numbers and independent churches to join us.
I came to the realization that the best possible strategy long term, was to become a movement of youthworkers and communities, rather than a one-off event. Even though we were denominational in roots and history, we had expanded beyond the sense of connection our denominational ties allowed for, and limited/confused as to how to incorporate other values/practices/flavours into our event. However, a movement has a unique ability to draw diversity into unity, based around common purpose.
We could have greater long term relationship and support with youthworkers if we continued to find ways of expressing, sharing and developing our values (community, gospel, fun, locally connected, financially accessible) throughout 365 days of the year.
(Sidebar: It’s actually incredibly easy for events with the right staff to begin to do this nowadays, because of the influence and emergence of social media tools as methodology for creating personality and energy within a set of ideals, even if that ‘community’ only connects annually, bi-monthly etc.)
Follow some of my semi-chronological thoughts…
1. If you want to gather people together – you need more than a reason. You need a common value, a common love, a common cause. You need something that engages both an intellectual, emotional and spiritual reaction.
2. In order to gather people together again and again – you need more than a cause, you need a movement.
3. The best movements are chapters in the story of a Tribe, a community of people connected in some way that share commonality of values and/or expression of those values and within the history of a Tribe there may be several movements. Similarly there may be movements shared by multiple Tribes..
4. One-off events make history & “do you remember when” stories in the history of Tribes. They are great moments that inspire the future but in of themselves, they are not the future. They are turning point gatherings, or reconciliation gatherings, or healing gatherings..
5. The future is carried forward by life-giving movements that gather for the sake of gathering, because when they are together, the story continues. Movements are embodied by a set of values or principles.
6. The most sustainable business model for those communities that wish to be Gatherers, is to build movements, rather than events. Creating a movement is about shaping leaders, people, listening to the ongoing expressions and finding ways of broadcasting that to the rest of the Tribe, sharing it with the rest of the movement. One-off events connect people to a place and time, but a movement invites people into an ongoing story – in essence, a shift between “I heard x & y at z?” to “I am talking with x & y. Simplified but it works.
7. Movements find their health in other places than numbers. They still need to make their budgets, but often values of a movement overtake the values of an individual or justification. Multiple not-for-profits demonstrate this, when a commitment to getting dollars to the field, overtakes the desire for clever and aesthetically pleasing marketing materials.
8. Of course, if the movements are shaped by leaders, voices, prophets, etc – then the most interesting question becomes.. how do you build a Tribe? A tribe has to be sustaining.. in other words, there must be space in the natural order for the young to be constantly arriving and growing. This is an incredible challenge withing our culture.
The shift from being an event to a movement changes loyalty, ownership and expectation on the part of the organization as well as the customer/client. However, the long term benefits outweigh the bumps in the road. Movements can exist equally well in micro and macro climates – because they can operate by different rules than one time events. Similarly, you can’t simply duplicate a one time event model and think you’ve created a movement. The rules of Movement are clear – commonality in purpose/values/cause and connectedness.
More later… what do you think so far?
by tashmcgill | Jan 16, 2010 | Church, Uncategorized, youth ministry
In late 2009, a friend of mine made some pretty strong statements about the future of conventions, conferences and gatherings in the Christian ministry world. I really like Mark Riddle and you can read his thoughts here. There are about 7 posts and you’d do well to read them all. I told him I was going to write a response and here it is. Not a theological positioning statement .. just a collection of thoughts. But first some background, so you know the context I’m coming from.
I was in the middle of working on NYWC with Youth Specialties right in the middle of a really crazy season in the history and future of the company. In the middle of recession, owned by an ‘about-profit’ company, competing in a market full of youth ministry and leadership conferences and training opportunities.. for sure, there has been cause to ask some serious questions about the nature of our gatherings.
We were also working with some of the core talent from Catalyst, one of the conventions Mark talks about. It brought a very different flavour to our events, which I think highlighted, in many ways the nature of the discussion that was bubbling away.
And bubbling away it was…late at night in hotel rooms and over meals with folks I have been exceedingly grateful for..Mark Riddle, Mike King, Adam McLane… they were spillover of conversations with Marko, and others here in NZ too. I was excited to find that innovations I had worked on here in terms of experiential storytelling, programming, interactive gatherings and tribal narrative were also being talked about and expressed with folks like the Imago community and at Youthfront.
At the same time… I was conscious of how my own experiences of ‘gathering’ had changed in the last year. In addition to moving home churches and reassessing those values in my own life, I was then overseas and looking for a place to land.
I was listening to the stories… of many of my friends and then some former students who were bowing out of church life and the “gathering way” for the first time. Processing and understanding what that ‘space’ meant for them on the road.
Here’s my response to Mark in a nutshell….
I think we collectively understand there is a primal need to gather. There’s something important that we intrinsically are drawn towards as a tribal gathering.
My thoughts could be expounded with lots of reasoning and example.. but I think it’s simple enough to state the one question that resounds in my mind.
What shall we do when we gather together? Not how, where, who should gather, who should lead, who should plan, who should pay… but, what shall we do when we gather.
Our western thinking leads us towards a linear development of timeline, a sense that a gathering begins with a purpose and all things lead towards that purpose. However, a circular or mountain/valley shaped development would suggest that the gathering itself becomes a catalyst or causes precipitation of whatever is to occur when we gather.
That there would be a calling together (it’s easy to think of this in Maori for me.. although a simplified version)… a meeting, breaking of bread, sharing of breath…and a celebration.
– a karanga, a calling of the people into the marae (home base), this signals the beginning of “gathering” as locals welcome visitors onto their home turf.
– much wiata (song) & karakia (prayer) – both equally as important expressions as speaking alone in the Maori culture
– speaking and dialogue
– eating together, resting together, playing together
– departing..
Historically, our faith talks inherently of the importance of gathering. I agree with Mark’s point that we gather too often to listen to singular voices – he calls them experts. I want for us to gather more often to listen to many voices, and to hear many stories.
But I also think that what we have spent our time and energy in, especially for YS in the last 40 years, has not been wasted. I think something good and meaningful in all the models, has – like anything – the capacity to lose it’s purpose or intent.
Here it is for me: I won’t separate it like Mark does, to defining the value and place of expertise. Nor do I want to tear away the holy work that the Spirit in constantly going about in open hearts, whether by practical skill, theological discourse or ideological construct, however…
I will say that when we assume that we gather to share or expound to others an already determined endpoint, we are mistaken. That would suggest we have finished a journey and have gathered to share the story. But our stories remain undone, with loose ends and unknown final endings.. just ask Bill Hybels at Willow Creek, or Doug Fields or just about anyone else about the time they realized they were still in the middle of the story. So, my hope in the future is that we gather with a profound sense that we gather in the middle of the story – with something to say, something to ask, something to offer, something to listen to, with an open hand to receive something in return.
That’s why I believed in Open Space dialogues at NYWC. They were a great opportunity for something to spark and start in the midst of our gatherings. How we frame those conversations needs work. Which is why I think we need to start asking the right questions, rather than trying to solve the wrong problems.
I’ve realized too, that the magnetic point that draws me to my own ‘gathering space’ has not been the purpose of the gathering. I do not gather on Sundays for the theological presentations, nor for song along. I gather for the experience of being together and what will come from our gathered expression.
Might sound a bit airy-fairy, but the reality is that the same authenticity drew me to the most unusual gatherings in my travels too, yet they held the same mystique, comfort, wonder and God-full-ness as my home community.
Alister McGrath talks about the power of Incarnation being caught in the moment of ‘the revelation of the Glory of God’..that by the time the head and mind catch up, the heart is already won in the visible wonder of the revelation. The Incarnation holds so much power for us, because it wins us in the intangible, yet visible and allows us the space to reason with it.
I believe much the same experience to be necessary and truthful as we look to what new tribal gatherings will express or be or mean. What does it mean to be global or national or regional? It begins with a call to gather, a present revelation of who God is and then the catalyst of being with one another.. to see what happens, to record a story for ourselves and future generations and then to bathe luxuriously in the wonder and possibility of what it means and how it can impact us, before we leave again, our memories and stories interwoven and connecting us to those spaces.
Read that like a narrative and hopefully you see mountaintops and plateaus, valleys of expression and plenty of places where time becomes crucial.. to be able to spend it.
by tashmcgill | Dec 12, 2009 | New Zealand
Posts sitting in the drafts….
1. A New Way to Gather Together.
2. Why I’ll Probably Never Meet Don Miller.
But for now…
homeward bound for the six o’clock
cos there’s nowhere left to go
i have climbed every hill on the path
taken every detour
still I’m unsatisfied
and i’ll be seeing you again
for the first time in some months
will you still want to know my name?
and what I did today?
where I’m going to – who could say
i don’t think anybody knows
except to say I’m homeward bound
back to the anchor of the blue pacific
back to the land i left behind
and all the faces there
all the roads i know so well
still I’m unsatisfied
and i’ll be seeing you again
for the first time in some months
will you still want to know my name?
and what I did today?
where I’m going to – who could say
i don’t think anybody knows
except to say I’m homeward bound
by tashmcgill | Nov 12, 2009 | Church, Uncategorized, youth ministry
I originally posted this Women in Youth Ministry article at the Youth Specialties blog. But it’s generated some interesting conversation, which I think is worth broadening the horizons on!
So… here goes. Feel free to comment here or at the original post, but I’d love your thoughts, regardless of whether you’re a man or woman in youth work!
How Women in Youth Ministry Can (Totally, Effectively & Compellingly) Work with Boys.
I’m not afraid to admit that girls scare me. I grew up as the eldest daughter in a set of three, in a mostly single parent home (Mum). Yes, I carried some extra responsibilities, and I didn’t always have much time or interest in make-up, fashion and other ‘girly’ stuff. When faced with being the small group leader of a set of 14 year old teenage girls, who wanted to do nothing but sleepovers, makeover parties and shopping – I freaked out. What can I say? I love working with middle school, teenage and young adult guys. It’s not always easy, there are some minor and some major differences in communicating and working with guys but I can absolutely testify to some of these relationships being the most rewarding and surprising of my youth ministry career.
At NYWC in Cincinnati, I hosted a conversation for women in youth ministry and these topics came up a couple of times. So, I thought it would be great to share some tips, some experiences and encouragement if you’re a youth minister or a volunteer working with guys in your youth ministry.
1. Finding confidence in yourself.
When you’re the person that’s there and available – you’re the one who can make a difference. Being confidence to your interactions with any young person is going to be really helpful, regardless of gender. But with boys especially – if you feel confident in yourself, you’ll be able to focus more on the young person and less on what you’re getting “right or wrong”. In order to get there – focus on what you know and what you need to know. There are some great resources out there – specifically Teenage Guys by Steve Gerali – to help you get a handle on what guys are experiencing. This is valuable youth ministry info! Start to gather this information AS WELL AS reflecting on your own experiences to look for patterns, insights and understanding. As with any youth ministry situation – identify specific insecurities and triggers and then proactively look for solutions or understanding to help you move past it. Keep working on this and your confidence will grow. If nothing else, remember that hundreds of women youth workers have had life-changing impact working with teenage guys – so can you.
2. Talk shoulder to shoulder.
Heather Ameye-Bevers was the first female youth pastor I ever worked with. So naturally, I asked her for some of her most valuable tips. This one is hers: “..the old adage that it’s important for girls to talk eye to eye but to talk to a guy it’s better to talk shoulder to shoulder. While you’re playing sport, walking somewhere or you’re setting up youth group stuff, work on something together. Talk to guys then so that it’s not as confrontational or uncomfortable.”
Talking shoulder-to-shoulder allows you to create rapport, relationship and respect for one another. Engaging in that kind of relationship gives you the opportunity to then talk eye-to-eye. Remember that as guys get older, they’ll be more willing to talk about deeper stuff – but don’t feel that you’re only being significant if you are having “deep & meaningful’s” all the time. Often with girls, you’ll be used to talking around and around and around whilst feeling like you’re getting nowhere. With boys, a few words at the right time can often take you miles. Being interested in what they’re interested in will make a huge difference – and you’ll sometimes be surprised. Not all meaningful ministry with boys is about football or girls! Sometimes it’s music, books, a particular subject that you have common ground on.
3. Find creative ways of working with the ‘important’ stuff – physical touch, playfulness, passion and word count.
So – physical touch and playfulness are really important parts of working with guys as they grow up! And then, there’s all the sexuality stuff. Some basic tips:
– Make space for healthy touch, by playing sports, games, get in amongst it. In addition, create some vocal cues for ‘impromptu’ rumbles and tag matches. If you’re able to encourage and be the whistle-blower (literally, give the signal that they have permission to create chaos for a few minutes), you’ll gain massive yards and lots of ‘fun’ in your relationship with your teenagers. Helps with the playfulness.
– When it comes to passion & sexuality – don’t ignore the subject, just because they’re male. Also – be really careful about presuppositions about adolescent male sexuality. The stereotypes are not all they’re cracked up to be, so LISTEN more than anything else. It’s a privilege to be able to speak about this stuff with guys, so honor that by letting them express their stories and thoughts as they are ready. You have a great position to be able to offer insight into female sexuality and it’s connection to love & relationships. Regardless of whether you’re single or married, the way you talk about sexuality with guys may differ than with girls, but it’s still the same content – healthy heart, healthy relationships, healthy sexuality. Don’t be distracted by the gender question. You’ll be amazed how much a little direct speaking will gain you in confidence and trust with guys.
– Word count. Women love to tell stories. It’s a stereotype but we generally have a tendency to communicate in narrative far more than men do. So – remember that mastering word count is key! Speak directly about the ideas you’re wanting to communicate. And often, the fewer words the better.
4. Dealing with infatuation, love & relationships.
What happens if one of my students is physically inappropriate or has a crush on me? What if I develop feelings for a student/volunteer/youth pastor/mentor? What about dating and trying to start a new relationship? What if I’m the new girlfriend of the youth pastor?
– Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You need to have healthy self-awareness and people to process that with (not volunteers!), as well as an observant eye for boundaries in other youth ministry relationships – students and other volunteers, students and yourself. But again, don’t be driven by the paranoia either. This is the exception, not the norm – so don’t let the fear of this stuff over-influence the direction and focus of your ministry. A good rule of thumb here is keep the main thing, the main thing.
– Don’t meet one-on-one in private – public places are great for those conversations (and you can totally meet with a male student or volunteer!). Make sure you have an open diary – document as much as you can, or feels reasonable and discuss this with your supervisor or lead pastor, so they know what your plan is. Transparency is key.
– When a student is physically inappropriate (holds a hug too long etc), what’s inappropriate is determined by YOU. Then you need to communicate it, but in a way that’s non-destructive to the relationship and especially non-humiliating to the teenager. Use humor to diffuse in public settings ie: “Hug…2….3…and release!”. Narrate it out loud. Or, if they’re super confident.. “Hey, I know I’m cute, but I’m outta your league!”
A story from a female youth pastor:
“If you think th
ere’s something up ie: you or they are trying to spend a lot of time alone, txting late at night, you think about them overly much, they are making strange comments to you, looking at you funny – if you suspect you have a crush on them or vice versa – Warning!!!! Go talk to your supervisor asap, avoid deep personal conversations, always have a crowd around, don’t be a egg and talk to them about your feelings for them – you may as well shoot yourself in the foot. Be smart about technology as you should already as a professional youth worker – don’t private chat on Facebook, Twitter, MSN, txt. Sometimes it happens. You feel certain things – my advice is to live smart in the first place, but if you experience weird thoughts or feelings or do strange things –
1. Acknowledge it immediately to yourself.
2. Bring it into the light with a trusted professional supervisor.
3. And then keep going doing the amazing work you have been doing.
If you keep it hidden in the dark it will grow and make your life a misery, it will leave you with regrets and might even take you out of ministry. That is a scary place to be. I know I ‘ve been there. Several years ago when I was young and stupid I dated one of my youth leaders who was 4 years younger that me. It all started because I enjoyed the buzz that came when I started receiving daily txt messages from him. Instead of deleting them and talking to someone about how i was feeling, I went with the flow, txt turned to visits, turned to outings, turned to dating then to a romantic and unwisely physical relationship. I abused my role as a leader and carried the relationship on to its disastrous conclusion which left him broken and hurt. I felt unable to minister in that church, I felt unworthy and rotten inside.”
– Be aware that when starting new relationships, dating or going through relationship trauma, you want to remember NOT to do your immediate processing with your young people. Often it’s helpful to share our lessons learned as reflections or insights, but moaning or rejoicing about your new relationship probably isn’t the best bet. Also – your students may be jealous or anxious about losing your attention as often you are a primary relationship in their life, regardless of whether you’re opposite gender. Be conscientious of how hostility, anxiety and fear might be expressed in your ministry and openly address those fears. Also, if you’re the partner of the youth pastor – you may face some jealousy on part of the students. Build unique relationships and be reassuring that students won’t “lose” their youth pastor.
– Especially as your students grow older, be conscious of helping them grow into great men. Advice on women, relationships, being straight-up about when they’re being a jerk, immature, getting smelly or when they’ve made you exceptionally proud are precious and great moments. In addition, the youth ministry relationship that grows into genuine friendship is priceless beyond compare and JUST as likely to happen with your teenage guys as with your teenage girls..
5. Can my youth ministry mentor be a guy?
This really depends on what you’re looking for from your mentoring relationships. There’s a lot of wisdom in looking for holistic mentors who can help you process all aspects of life – relationships, career, personal development, sexuality, work. It’s always great if you can find a same-sex mentor because it saves some effort and work and precautions.
However, 3 out of 4 of my greatest mentors in life have been men, really exceptional, Godly, trustworthy men. The So it’s been completely safe to establish mentoring relationships that were for specific purposes. So, if you have no options and you’re looking for skills-based professional development – a lot of the same boundaries rules apply – but this can work. One of the major things that makes this a winner or not – is whether or not you are a trustworthy woman. That means having transparency and good self-awareness, in case you are the one that crosses the boundaries!
Also – remember that some things are actually best processed with a professional counselor, therapist, psychiatrist or spiritual director. Don’t be afraid to look for the specific help you need.
6. This is worth it!
Seriously, this is worth it. It’s worth it to go through the tough stuff of being a female youth worker with guys. How the rewards come can be very different, but the outcome is still the same – young people who love Jesus and have meaningful faith in practice in their lives. Years on, I love the meaningful and close friendships I have with some of my graduated students, because you can make a difference and they’ll certainly let you know when you have.
There is some great stuff to have fun with.. rites of passage, boys weekends, lots of helping hands on deck for youth ministry camps and retreats (you can play the “girl” card for instant man-up factor!). Don’t be intimidated, just get educated both generally (read some books! have some conversations!) and specifically (analyze your specific youth group culture).
As always – when you get stuck, if you have questions or you learn something great along the way = shout it out to the other youth workers that are travelling the same path.
Now – I’d love to hear your stories!
by tashmcgill | Nov 9, 2009 | Church, eastercamp, Uncategorized, youth ministry
For those of you that peruse my sidebar from time to time – there’s a special column there. It’s called Thinkers. The reality is most of those folks, I consider to be friends regardless, but usually their blogposts are thoughts worth considering, whether in regards to faith, faith in praxis, music, travelling, people, community. They are my must-reads. I’ve posted them in a truly random order. They are diverse enough to engage my brain in the way it ought to be, not all regular bloggers although some are ‘dailies’.
whyismarko.com was formerly ysmarko. I decided I wouldn’t delete Marko’s site from the sidebar because I think it contains some of the most forward thinking youth ministry/faith in praxis content around. For the time of his tenure as Youth Specialties President and blogger, this site has been one of the most accessible points of conversation that I regularly participated and observed.
Which brings me to the point – that even when you change, you remain who you are. When I finished in my role with Eastercamp, it forced a point of clarification in my own identity. What changed was the outlet of my knowledge, passion and praxis. I didn’t cease to be interested, experienced, knowledgeable or a continual learner in my field. It was simply the outlet that changed.
I count it as an honour to call Marko and others in the YS family, true friends. People that I deeply care about and respect. There are folks that work here that you’d never see teaching a Lab or writing books (yet) who truly care about young people, those that work with young people and the current/future state of this praxis we call Church. So, in all the things that are changing and may change.. my hope and secure belief is that you remain who you are.
I’m still really good at being me – in all the varied expressions that I create around that. And Marko remains a prophetic voice in youth ministry. That matters, because we’re a tribe of people not just an organization. And likewise, there is every hope that YS the organization can remain an organization completely committed to loving and serving youthworkers.
I had to remember that I had eternal permission to remain who I was. Others had given me a title and credibility to work within their organization, but ultimately that was simply an expression of the much bigger picture that the Father always had in mind. I’m not necessarily a believer in Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. I think that God enjoys the ongoing creativity of making something beautiful out of our lives as we go, hand in hand. However, sometimes in life, people will change your position or role, the expression of who you are may change. Sometimes people will want that to mean you cease to be who you are. Those voices should be gladly ignored.
I’ve never quite got back to blogging or writing in the same way since ‘my contract was not renewed’. It’s been a conscious choice to not want to slight or discolour what was a magical, wonderful, awful time in my life. Sometimes I regret that, because I now think, I should have remained feisty enough to fight for my character and my good name, despite how others were gently and publicly shaming me. But therein, lies the lesson of remaining who you are.
I’m glad Marko’s back to blogging, simply because I think the expression of who he is continues to remain important and beautiful in our world.
Back home, we have a word called ‘mana’. It means a form of respect, authority, stature that cannot be easily bestowed on another. Some people simply have a presence, that gives them permission to speak and a voice that rises above others. Mana is something that can be credited to you by the elders and members of your tribe, but it cannot be attained, if you know what I mean. Reach for it and it will slip from your grasp. Aspire to it and you will learn humility and service.
Mana, is exactly what it means to remain who you are, despite how things may change. So, I hope for Marko, as much as myself – that his ongoing expression brings something rich, deep and necessary to our lives.
Both organizations and tribes require leaders, but the way that comes about is vastly variant. Tribes tend to choose leaders for certain seasons, but also hold an enormous capacity for elders and ambassadors within the collective knowledge of the tribe. That’s why tribal gatherings still reference those who have gone before us and remember with fondness their words. Tribes have a much greater capacity to hold broad spectrums of ideas, to wrestle with ongoing ideas and issues whilst seeking greater practical application.
Possibly this is why we must be so careful with the business models and leadership lessons we chose to apply in Church, because we naturally are more tribe-like in our existence. We compel ourselves to organizational structure because we view some form of necessity in it, to which end we may be right, but it is not easy for us.
Tribal behaviour is the proof in the pudding, of how even when we change, we remain who we are. My hope for the future of YS is in this tribal identity, held by a collective of people who hold a spectrum of time, ideas and voices in valuable tension.
