“Our limited perspective, our hopes and fears become our measure of life, and when circumstances don’t fit our ideas they become our difficulties.” Ben Franklin from Jill at Conversations.
Prayer for the Week from Jesus Creed by Scot McKnight
“O God, you declare your almighty power chiefly in showing mercy and pity: Grant us the fullness of your grace, that we, running to obtain your promises, may become partakers of your heavenly treasure; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.”
Choosing The Kingdom
Reflect on whether your choosing of God is bringing you genuine life. If your God-choosing is not making you fundamentally more alive and vital, you may be choosing the external trappings of the Christian religion rather than the life-giving inner essence of Christian spirituality. You may be choosing a spiritual self-improvement program of the kingdom of self, but you are not choosing the genuinely life-giving program of the kingdom of God. Hear God’s call to surrender to God’s will as an invitation to a fullness of life that exceeds your wildest expectations and imaginings. The source of this call is the Source of everything that is truly alive. Settle for nothing less than this truly abundant and vital life in Christ. David Benner
When In Doubt Sometimes the circumstances of life come flooding in around you and you have to take a pause. I have plenty to say but for now – I’m recording the days and nights, the flood of thoughts for calmer seas. So when in doubt, turn to the trusted and true .. here’s the the collection of thoughts, prayers, quotes and hope from dear friends.. including this walk on the lighter side.
Liam’s 4th Birthday Party Liam was born on the 26th September 2004, while I was in the US at my first Youth Specialties NYWC convention. His birthday is always a time for remembering a ‘birth’ of my own. Meanwhile.. pirate parties are awesome. Check out the amazing pirate ship the Captain built!
Adj. 1. humiliated – subdued or brought low in condition or status; Adj. 2. humiliated – made to feel uncomfortable because of shame or wounded pride;
When I was about 14, I was part of an inter-school competition for smart kids and problem solvers. My team from the girls school was fun, but also pretty quiet, kinda mellow. I was all about expressing my extroverted self. We were staying at a campsite out in West Auckland, in bunkrooms that had connecting doors.
Imagine my delight when the door to our bunkroom opened and on the other side – was a group of smart, funny and entertaining boys from Kristin School on the North Shore. This central city Epsom Girls Grammar girl was delighted with the opportunity to converse and laugh and spark with like-minded but very different teenage males.
One of the group ringleaders went by the name of Adam, a dark-haired rascally type who was clever and witty and political aware (as you are at 15). I found him somewhat enchanting and interesting. And I thought he did me too. We spent long dinners and afterhours programmes laughing and joking.
The other members of the group were full of fun too, except one kid, who even know, I can’t even remember. He was the geek, with body odour, glasses. He was pretty quiet and definitely not highly regarded by the rest of the team.
After the heated final competition, Adam and I traded numbers and promised to ‘stay in touch’. Already my delicate teenage self-esteem had bloomed a little in the short few days of attention. But I wasn’t foolish enough to assume that I would hear from him.
It genuinely took me by surprise when he rang within the week, to invite me to a BBQ his parents were having the next Sunday.
Sundays were always difficult days in my house. They were Dad Days, usually begun with some measure of tension and stress from the maternal end, endless waiting and hoping for Dad to arrive (invariably always late) and then spent in the nervous tension that the eldest sibling lives in .. wanting to make sure that everything’s ok for everybody. So I nervously asked Dad if he would drop me out to the address in Greenhithe, which in those days was simply forever away.. over the bridge. For my often-unemployed and very often broke Dad, I felt the burden of the gas, the journey, the time. It was a really big call.
So the morning came, and I had invited my friend Tere to come with me. We picked her up and Dad dropped us off. Me, being foolish and shy, asked him to drop us off at the top of the driveway. And down we walked.
Adam had given a precise description of the house and the surrounding garden, which featured a large flagpole. I’m not sure why that sticks in my mind but it does. We got to the door, knocked on it, and who should answer.. but geeky, smelly kid.
And when we explained what we were there for – assuming that Adam must have invited his friends from school as well, he looked more and more confused. He blushed redder and redder and went inside. It seemed like an age of confusion before his mother came to the door.
She brought us inside and explained that there was no BBQ, that this wasn’t Adam’s house. She looked at me first with incredulity, disbelief and anger until she finally came to see that I really had no idea what Adam had been playing at. Then the pity in her eyes took over.
Soon, it became obvious what was going on. Not only was the geeky, smelly kid the victim of Adam’s bullying, but I was too. I wasn’t meeting with a like-minded friendly funny guy, but actually had been the butt of a well-played joke. Adam had revealed to his cabin mates late at night during the competition week, a plan to ‘trick’ the girl from next door into really liking him, then playing a prank.
Geeky, smelly boy revealed all under the prodding of his mother. Poor kid hadn’t realised that he too, was going to be the butt of this practical joke. he had thought it the perfect scam.. win over the ‘ugly fat-face stupid slut’ as he had called me to the others, then really make her feel a fool by sending her to Geeky’s house under false pretenses, thus humiliating both myself and his schoolyard prey.
Finally, a phone call to Adam’s house revealed nothing but a laughing teenage boy on the other end. While Geeky’s mother promised to ring Adam’s parents and get an apology, I never heard another word.
Worse still, was the inability of contacting my Dad. His cellphone (at that time a brick) simply rang and rang and rang. I rang my mother but she didn’t answer the phone. In the end, in utter humiliation, having already suffered this crisis in front of my best friend who had heard me excited and full of enthusiasm for this teenage crush, we then had to call her mother to come and retrieve us then wait the 45minutes it took her to get there.
How I wanted my dad to come and rescue me from that moment. By the time I got back to school on the monday – the story had travelled plenty far. I so needed someone to crackdown on the arrogance, impudent boy. I needed someone to be furious at the injustice of a young boy’s prank. I needed someone to act quickly enough to restore the crushing blow to my self-worth and refute the words “ugly fat-face stupid slut”.
The Power Of My Helplessness The feeling of public exposure, the feeling of my foolishness at being duped into the fraud, of somehow not perceiving the lie, the rathood of the cad, the visiblity of my shame.. being exposed in front of those that knew me.. those whose opinion mattered most. The shame of the rejection, the cruelty of the names and the lack of their refuting… that is the power of my helplessness. I end up crushed into humiliation and remember that girl, so frail, so tenderly holding onto the ledge of value and reputation. I remember the trust that was broken and rebuke my own stupidity. I remember the loneliness that stuck in my heart in that moment… the sorrow of unworthiness that crept into me.
There Are Moments Of Memory For so many reasons the past few days have been full of insecurity, and it’s at these times this memory creeps up on me again and I remember Adam and what he did to my Eve. In her blossoming hope, how he devastated her.
I sometimes wonder if I have spent the last fifteen years waiting for Adam to strike again, wrestling me into public shame again. I know that this is my moment with Christ in front of the Pharisees, where I am the woman of shame brought before their judgement. It doesn’t matter whether I’m a criminal or not, just that the humiliation and fear of public rejection is equally strong. The ‘not being loved’ lie that crept in so young… renders me sometimes undone, and I have to restitch myself with words of truth.
Who is the Christ? Where is the defender, truth-teller, lover?
I don’t shy away from the utter revelation of self.. public humiliation I wear and have worn in the public eye before… but don’t leave me standing alone. All revelation is secure in the eyes of the one who stands despite the Truth.. whether it be my lack of beauty, my overpowering strength, my weakness, my sin, my sorrow… know all of me, every breath and beat and embarrassing truth.. and stay.
Stay and your love conceals me, covers over my sin and heals me. Stay and your love reveals me, all that is beauty and truth and goodness.
Song Of The Moment : My Lover by Melissa Etheridge
No one conceals me like No one reveals me like My lover No one can disconnect No one can resurrect Like my lover
My lover makes me weak Gives me breath to speak My lover takes me home Cools the rolling stone My lover’s thorny kiss The reason to exist I wonder
No one can saturate No one manipulates Like my lover The sensuality It’s immort
ality My lover
My lover needs to seize Bring me to my knees Reads me like a prayer Calls the spirit there Secretly inspires Strips me to desire I wonder
No one can visualize No one can make me rise Like my lover They dream of paradise They’ll never ever pay the price My lover
I’ve been ruminating around some ideas with discipleship now for a while, and a coffee break with Rich helped me to find the phrase I was looking for…
Behavioural Modification vs. Awareness Nurture A traditional model of both youth ministry and discipleship in broader terms, boils down to a set of objectives easily rendered into bahavioural modification theories. Ultimately running the risk of producing ‘disciples’ who are only equipped for navigating through previously simulated experiences or lessons and produced socially acceptable choices. Perhaps a 50% attrition rate has been experienced in my own youth community relying on these more traditional ideals and ways of thinking.
Example: Sex Education Traditional: Here’s why Christians Don’t / Here’s why you shouldn’t / The Line Recently: Let’s teach and encourage healthy sexuality & awareness with young people regardless of faith precepts focussed on healthy choices, identity awareness and social cognition of influences, pressure and expectations.
What if youth ministry and discipleship addressed it’s core principles on the long, slow, developmental tasks of emotional/spiritual awareness, social awareness (implications of my community & community identity), self awareness?
One of the ongoing issues we face within our own community is the insistent pressure fo the discipleship timeline.. a series of measuring sticks that address behaviour as guides for spiritual development along the lines of baptism, spiritual information and outcomes like mission service etc.
We introduce people to the character of Jesus and then his behaviours and teachings as a model of behaviour before we teach or encourage the fostering of Wisdom. Jesus, as the embodiment of Wisdom .. only ever pointed us to the Father, yet in the Western church, we find Jesus at the apex of our teaching and worship, rather than the Truth. (I’m not 100% concrete on my ideas here yet, so bear with me).
Slow Around the world the “slow” movement is gaining momentum (haha). But what if we took a slow approach to discipleship. One of the more significant seasons in my life was underlined by a daily reading of Proverbs. A chapter a day, of every month for about 5 years. Once you begin to understand and recognise Wisdom, all of sudden the person of Christ makes more sense.
I guess, I’m really exploring the idea of saying, ok, if Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life – how are we introducing people to Truth in such a way that it becomes part of their being, rather than part of their behaving?
So – instead of pushing kids into the Gospels when reading Scripture.. pushing them into the wisdom books, illuminating Christ through that lens first. My understanding being that by manner of approaching wisdom and truth so dominantly we might resettle the scales in favour of a Father-centered worship, through Christ, than worship of Christ.
Slower, longer but hopefully deeper? Wisdom ways of living that help young people or any disciple to navigate their way through any waters, because they are underpined in wisdom teachings rather than behavioural concepts? Jesus’ actions are only truly revealed to us through our understanding of the Truth he was in flesh, and the Father he points us toward.
My suspicion is that too much emphasis on Christ-like living started as a great idea but has lead us to far into Christ the man, rather than Christ the Divine, who never points to himself, but only the Father.
….what is as what is, knowing that what is could change but in the present hasn’t changed, therefore Is.
….pain like i know, is the beauty and art of life, the depth being carved out in my soul.
….three things that can appear endless: possiblity, opportunity and truth, are in fact, finite. don’t miss out on me, please.
Lord, it was already dark by the time it was 4pm you know. I think I am most tired of seeing people end up being less than they could be, everywhere.. and i keep thinking – if only you saw the spark of Elohim I see in you.. you would know you were worth more than that.. and it would let you be more of who you are.
The Generation Game I’m pondering since conversations with the interim senior pastor, recent demographic directions in our evening gatherings .. the disparity between what the term ‘seeker-friendly’ means to the Boomer, Po-Mo and Millenial generations.
My hypothesis is that whilst distinct definitions and boundaries for good practice could be easily formulated within each one (where boomer[R] and po-mo[L] are perhaps forming the outer poles of a spectrum where millenial is slightly center-left), thereis such a leap between the expectations of what a boomer-seeker and a millenial-seeker are, let alone their pathways to that place.. that there is a certain requirement for us to clear the decks and start again.
I am not sure that there are pathways for integrating congregations that have been separate in any way that appeases all or any. All three are theologically dissatisfactory to me in some way, but all encounter people who are genuinely seeking.
When do we start over with the simple things? Take me out to the desert.
The ring was made by seventysix design. From the design I took to them, they made a model, ordered the rubies and created the piece all within 2 and a half weeks. More than that, it felt like making something with friends.
Blessing Ceremony. I knew from the beginning that the process of saying goodbye to Eastercamp would be long and painful. That the heart breaking and life robbing power of sorrow would need careful shepherding, especially from one as me, who knows the value of good ritual. Although it took some weeks to feel ready, when the moment came, this was a unique and special part of soul taking shape and being restored again.
I’m sharing this because I always ended to grieve as well as I could, because I think the mold of crafting Ebernezers and symbols in our daily life is important and because I suspect that there are others who will find some comfort from seeing that my grief is just as deep and sorrowful as they understand it to be, but that it is expressed on a foundation of hope that cannot be shaken. The process of writing this ceremony took place over a number of weeks of research, thought and contemplation. The final version took two hours to write and an hour to perform.
My only sorrow were those who could not be present.. as surely my whole tribe should have been there.. however, in my heart, all resided. Those that shared my intimate breathing spaces that night were true, honest and good soulmates who served and ministered the Grace of God to me so exceptionally well, that it is they who should be leading church and not I.
I am the Redeemed.
Opening Prayer. (In choosing which prayer form to base this opening prayer on, I drew from the Jewish Kiddish Prayer, the traditional mourners prayer. It’s essentially a prayer of sanctification that proclaims God above all things, and re-centres all things on Him. It’s moderately adapted here for a Messianic perspective.)
Exalted and sanctified is God’s great name in the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon. Amen.
Amen, may his great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honoured, elevated and lauded be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are spoken in the world; Amen.
May there be great peace from heaven, and life, for us and all people. Amen. Friends say: Amen
The Lighting of the White Candles (I chose nine white candles to represent each year. One of us lit the centre candle to represent the presence of Yahweh in our midst from the beginning and then each of the white candles was lit by taking the flame of the Yahweh candle out to the individuals. I lit the candle and spoke of my memories and thoughts regarding each year. I liked the representation that God sparked each individual event as something unique. The candles were arranged in a concave arc around the Yahweh candle in the centre.)
Spoken Aloud: These candles represent each year I spent with Eastercamp. I’m going to light each one and remember the joys, sorrows, mistakes, victories.
Year2000. this year was the year of What Could Be. Dreamed and brainstormed how to do talent quests, mudwrestling and streamline the registration process. Fell in love with Finlay Park and the faithfulness of God’s work there. Came to know the Ruach Elohim closely.
Year2001 = Everyday, this was the first year of telling the chronological story of the Easter. I learnt that the Gospel speaks for itself and that noone remains unchanged. The key speaker went on to radically change his life direction. Created the emblem of the cross (in wood) that some people can still be seen wearing.
Year2002 = Choose One, Just One, One. This was the first year I had sole charge of programming, including working closely with the worship band. I learnt the power of sound and the importance of people. I said goodbye to my mentor Wok and promised to stay true to the first values of Eastercamp. God, People, Spirit – for the sake of others. Staying small, local community.
Year2003 = The Hardest Camp. Real Life. This was my year of hardship. I had to prove my worth to the team, and to myself. I made mistakes but had triumphs. I wrestled with my desire for leadership. I found love and friendship in the arms of team and started to build my own for the first time. I dreamed of something more. Said goodbye to Finlay Park. Led communion at the waters edge.
Year2004 = New things. Revolution. Created linear programming and storytelling throughout the whole theme of camp. Revolutionised how I created the programme themes and concepts. Fought hard and lost for the creative direction. Did stage design and lighting plots, sewed 150m of draping for the stage. Communion is awful, but sanctuary space brilliant. We live on the edge. Fought to maintain the values of camp, including local and small community focus.
Year2005 = His Name Is Freedom. Picked up on the theme of social justice and change for the first truly significant time. Used massive screens and multimedia across every session, hand designed the backdrops for these screens and made 30% of the media myself. Dreamed of 100%. Dreamed of production values. Oversaw the whole creative direction including promo and merch. Saw significant leap in numbers and collective buyin from youth pastors. Programming team continued to grow. Significant moment with drama team, rob k and luther king video. Communion is the most beautiful thing even seen, thanks to Stu.
Year2006 = Soli Deo Gloria. Lost the creative battle but redesigned according to Luthers Creeds. Produced 4 or 5 minimovies, totally 50% of the media content. Great team – working with Production company for the first time and changing the room layout significantly. New video team, new faces, team growing and share significant ministry time together on Sunday morning. Sanctuary space is over the whole weekend finishing with communion on light boxes. Goofing off at 3am in the morning I give thanks for my team. Wrote the values that still guide camp now.
Year2007 = Love Wins. Love does win. My team is beautiful and I have found my place as a creative leader. The programme booklet is some of my best work, the speakers are a brilliant combination. I give thanks for Marko, for Brian Winslade, heroes and friends that are part of my deep joy. Communion is epic, serving 3100 people individually – no crew person misses out. I learn to trust my instincts and we achieve the unbelievable on a ridiculous budget. Video is hard – relationship matters more than anything. God is beautifully present even though completely different.
Year2008 = HopeFull. Part two of the trilogy. 100% kiwi speakers, including Rob K and Sam H – taking risks on old and new. 100% home made media, including work I am immensely proud of. Team is incredible again – continues to grow and I am thankful for the presence of such dear friends in the midst of my sorrow. He tangata, he tangata, he tangata. I remember that it is all about people. Leading the response on Saturday night and fulfilling the forgiven vision is a moment that rests in my heart forever. I am defined by these windows to the heart of heaven.
Nine Rubies (On the inside of the arc of white candles, closest to the Yahweh candle were nine small red votive candles, in front of each individual white candle and each representing a lesson learned from the year. I named the lesson out loud and then my friends took turns in lighting the ruby candle from from the white candle it represented. The ruby represents Wisdom or a Lesson. My friends then prayed a blessing or affirmation on each lesson.)
The first Wisdom lesson, was Belief. The hope of the impossible, the dream of what could be. (Friends say: May you always dream with the Lord.)
The second Wisdom lesson, was Story. The story changes the storyteller, but remains unchanged. Truth brings light and hope. (Friends say: May the Story continue to change you, and you continue to tell the Story.)
The third Wisdom lesson, was Worship. The Lord truly inhabits the praises of his people, and his presence changes lives. (Friends say: May you always worship and draw others and yourself near to the Presence of the Lord.)
The fourth Wisdom lesson, was Trust. The Lord spoke to me in visions, laying out his promises for my future hope and his faithfulness. (Friends say: May you continue to trust that the Lord will fulfil his promises and that all these things will come to pass.)
The fifth Wisdom lesson, was Create. We are made in the image of a Creator God. His creativity surprised, reengages and sustains us with new mercy, new grace. (Friends say: May your creativity always draw you back to the Father, to the Truth of His Love for the sake of Others. May your creativity bring Him pleasure and honour and glory forever.)
The sixth Wisdom lesson, was Know Yourself. The Lord has created me with purpose and skills. My confidence in these things rests on His confidence in me. (Friends say: May you always know that you have been made well, with goodness, purpose and intention. The Lord will let no good thing go to waste nor leave anything unfinished. May you know his restoring and redemptive power always, and the mercy of His hand.)
The seventh Wisdom lesson, was With People. The Lord brings us together so that we reflect his Image more truly. We achieve more together. People make the impossible possible. To do things well gather people. (Friends say: May you always find yourself at the centre of people and for the sake of people. That you will bring healing and find healing in the midst of the Bride. May you love people deeply and well and be loved.)
The eighth Wisdom lesson, was Love. His Love is pervading and the truth of my heartsong for always. His love is deep and rich and wide. His Love is the truest message, the highest call, it sets people free. (Friends say: May the Love of the Lord lead you, guide you and sustain you. May it always be the first notes of your song, the depths of your heart, the fibre of your soul. May this Love be the message of your whole life so that others would come to know Him and for His glory.)
The ninth Wisdom lesson, was Hope. Hope remains as an anchor to the soul, when all else seems faint. Hope makes change and brings light. Where there is Hope there is always something that has not yet come to pass. (Friends say: May you know the peace of Almighty God, the author of eternity and the foundation of Life. He holds life within himself and breathes Life into us. He holds you imprinted in the palm of his hand and holds you as he holds the stars in place.)
The Blessing of the Ring (The ring is made of rose gold with nine rubies set in white gold in the centre. The rubies represent wisdom, the gold the costliness of what has been given and the placement of the rubies in the ring, the representation of a season that is part of an unending whole – the eternal hope. The finance for the ring was a gift from a number of parties.)
Spoken Aloud. E hi noa ana, na te aroha: Although it is small, it is a gift of love.
This ring symbolises the deep love the Father has for me, and his provision, mercy, grace and Wisdom he has afforded to me. There is nothing I have that he has not given me, and nothing I am that is not His. In wearing this ring, I will remember Him, what I have learnt and the Hope of what is to come. I will remember that I am loved.
Friends Pray & Share:
My friends that were present offered words that were deep, true, beautiful and full of hope, care and love. I will store them in my heart always.
Closing Prayer. (Although people had the opportunity to share earlier, I had asked Stu to specifically craft some words for me in this moment. All priests need priestly guidance themselves, and as Easter has been my levitical offering each year, I turned to a fellow Levite to help guide me through the closing moments of this ceremony. His words are perfect in every way, seeing both the heart and depth and acknowledging true things of the Father God. I added the closing Amen of the friends.)
my heavenly father, i pause to think of you in your throne room. (pause)
events are but tiles on the mosaic of history. they are not history on their own. they are reference points of success and failure, triumph and weakness, joy and fear.
carefully crafted and sculpted by my being.
part of me is given to these events, and part of me draws from them.
the sense of ‘me’ has been forged.
the events have given to my character, and the events have drawn from my character. the events have carefully crafted and sculpted my being joy and fear, triumph and weakness, success and failure, refer me to the fibre of my being character is not history character appreciates the mosaic
I stand in the presence of the Almighty God, as testimony to His presence through all of this time I seek first the kingdom of heaven and its righteousness And as testimony to His presence for the rest of time as an agent of the Almighty God, I am.
Tash McGill is a broadcaster, writer and strategist who works with people and organisations to solve problems and create transformation. She believes people are the most important thing and that stories are powerful ways of changing the world. You can find out more at tashmcgill.com or by visiting her LinkedIn profile.
