Thoughts That Need Some Space To Live. Reflection Invited.

brian winslade says that i’m a stream-of-consciousness communicator. this is true probably 90% of the time. but there are moments, late at night, when my journal becomes a very structured record of what’s going on. then there are times like this where it just feels like there is so much crammed in my head, some of these thoughts need space to live somewhere outside of my brain.

1.
make sure there is always someone in your life you’d be willing to lay yours down for. it’s a humbling way to keep your own priorities in perspective. friends to die for are friends worth living with. find them and learn to love them really well, how they need to be loved. you’ll be filled with love in the process.

2.
fall in love on a regular basis. it will change your perspective. fall in love with people, your family first – only fall in love with one lover at a time – then your friends. they are who makes you, shapes you and tells you the truth most often. you need to love them enough to listen. fall in love with ideas, ideals and the bigger picture. hope in the more eternal things will give you perseverance in the day-to-day. fall in love with the small moments that make your heart big – places where you find generosity, peace, love and good wine.

3.
get a big God. one that isn’t scared of impossible and unimaginable things. too many of us live with a little itty-bitty God that can’t seem to handle the things we battle with. so we work too hard protecting and defending our little God from the things that don’t really matter, and make a poor name for ourselves in the process. get a big God that isn’t bothered by the small stuff – for Greater is He that is in Us, with Us, alongside Us – than he that is in the world. (thanks Rob Harley)

4.
be a river, not a flood. floods sure have bulk, and impact – but they run without purpose and stop only when they can go no further and they’ve covered everything with messy water. rivers cut a course through the earth, can shift direction, bring life and fertility to the earth surrounding them, rather than destroying life. being a river reflects a willingness to leap into the stream, to find direction, to lead and let others follow you, to be comfortable with responsibility, prepared to grow up. being a river reflects a certain amount of clarity and purpose. a flood goes everywhere in confusion until it stagnates, but a river is always moving.

5.
where there is a vision, a purpose, a call – there is clarity. if there is no clarity, put your tools down until the vision becomes clear. there is no timeline but God’s on a vision that is truly from Him. plenty of good ideas disguise themselves as vision until the moment where clarity is required comes. clarity is a close friend of wisdom, mercy and grace. it doesn’t always mean everything is clear all at once, but clarity is actually only required step by step. faith takes care of the rest.

6.
believe in someone & find people who’ll consistently offer up their belief in you. believe in God, that will give you hope. believe that together you can make a difference that will change at least one person, and maybe affect the world for the rest of us, the universe for the rest of time. humanity finds itself perfected in a partnership with divinity.

7.
consistency and integration are key to surviving life with hope, effectiveness and a growing faith. you’ve got to learn not to be blown around in the wind of people-pleasers or hidden agendas. openness and honesty about what you’re looking will go a long way in regards to finding it. once you learn to stand on your own two feet you’ll be surprised how much you can lean on the people who’ll be drawn around you.

8.
learn to say what you mean, when you need to say it. speaking hard truths in love requires practice so it does little good to wait until the measure of your wisdom gives you undue confidence in the endeavour of loving people well. being practising now, so that as your wisdom grows, so does your ability to share insight.

A Big Space Of Empty Going Nowhere Fast
The weeks after Eastercamp are always strange and new for me. No one year follows the same pattern of ‘winding down’. Usually there are a few glum days, and a few days where the feedback piles in on top of me, followed by a few indignant days while I wrestle with the theology often presented to me in that feedback.

This year though, as with so many years past, there is a healing process that transpires in a little cafe in Mt Eden called Circus Circus. Many of the Eastercamp dreams have been birthed sitting in the low-slung narrow pavement facing seats, looking across at the Eden Methodist Church building on Ngaruahoe St watching the world go by.

So on Friday, when I was decidedly blue and funky, instead of going home, where the kind office boys sent me.. I ended up there instead. 3 long blacks, 4 and a half hours and pages and pages of journalling later.. I left feeling just as blue as before but much much less alone.

I don’t know if it’s simply the busyness of Mt Eden Village, or that familiar faces and friends passed me by as they went about their business, but sometimes sitting in a place like that for a few hours is just what the doctor ordered when it comes to celebrating the work that was, and birthing the work to come.

So many people have asked me whether or not this camp was the best ever. I think I would like to say that it was a great camp, but not the best yet.

It’s The Lonely
For me it’s the lonely hours between sleeping that are the worst in these days. I feel like I am my most complete self when I am working with and leading my crew and watching, listening and responding to young people hearing the Gospel for the first time, alongside youthworkers and leaders who are seeing it with desperately needed fresh eyes. Once everything is packed away and there’s nothing left to it anymore..

I miss the familiar faces, the voices, the smell of closeness with the dearest and best people I know over those days. There are some of the best friends I know who sacrifice so much of themselves over that weekend because they are loving serving my dream and my passion for this camp. They work so tirelessly on my team and they love it. I am blessed beyond belief .. Surely it’s nothing of my hand in this, because I am undeserving of such loyalty.

I miss the ‘standing alongside’ element of it all. That the dreams and God ideas that take shape in my head then take on arms and legs, and I stand alongside the people that carry them out, and that God uses as instrumental in the process. I miss that so much.

Those that come to camp will never know the depth and the significance of the love that the crew pour out on them. They pour out over one another, and over the place. If there was ever an example of building an atmosphere of praise, where the tangible presence of God could be seen and experienced.. then it happens in the team that makes it all happen. And that is a good, good, good thing.

Let The Bells Go Ringing
It used to be that when you got engaged, you rushed out and booked venues, dressmakers and starting choosing china patterns. Seems more like these days before you even go couples shopping for the ring, you get yourself a joint email address. And that’s the way it goes.

Eastercamp 2007
It was an incredible 5 days. Find someone who went and get a story out of them. I’ll tell my stories later. I was glad to have Mic Duncan and Marko with us. Especially to have the whole Oestreicher family. They were a bunch of fun.

Responses & Altars
People are starting to let their comments about camp filter through – and the feedback about the ‘lack of response times’ is really interesting. There were actually plenty of responses, and the counselling room was opening just about every session.. so I’m not sure whether it’s the kids or the leaders who are bothered by the shift.

Team
I have the most amazing team of people and my love for them is so large that I can barely express it. The heart and soul people of this team just blow me away, and I think that I am so blessed to walk amongst them.

Coming Home

i see the light rising over the hills
and I know that I’m getting closer
day by day to where I’m gonna be
and I know i’m still far from home
cos I wasn’t made for this place baby
I was just made for you

it’s an alien footprint on this land
and colourful sand flies through my hands
i remember the scent of summer and the
warmth the hands of my father the one time
he held me close to him, so far from home
cos I wasn’t made for this place baby
I was just made for you
home is just around the corner
in a year or two, sometime i’ll get back home

days crumble into night and I’m all for escaping
there’s no truth to the height of your passion
and the colour of treason you left me behind
the savagery of lovers when they push from the bed
cos I wasn’t made for this place baby
but i’m stuck here to be close to you

i wasn’t made for this place baby
my home is on a distant shore and i’m
not all that certain of how long it’ll be
before i’m home, before i’m free but I’m
pressing on to the truth, to the light and
I know i’m washing you clean, here..
while I’m stuck being close to you…

The Worship Leading Seminar I Didn’t Expect To Give

I promised I would make notes of the three major points on this site.. so here ’tis.

The Role of the Worship Leader

*worship leader is such an unfortunate word – it really ought to be more along the lines of facilitator

1. observe and exegete the culture of your community & the stories of the people, observe where God is at work

2. work in your community and with your community ie: your team. Teamwork is one of the most important instruments you can invest in.

3. remember that you serve leadership and the community. serving them well will establish and nurture trust, allow for influence and expresssion.

There It Is

I passed a man with a beard on a bicycle the other day. He was lost, looking for a street just a couple of blocks away from where we were. He had a South American accent, and a beard that was groomed perfectly, too perfectly for a man so young.

I was standing at the traffic lights, waiting for the buzz. I could sense his anxiousness behind, and eventually he worked up the courage to ask me for directions. It was my pleasure to give them to him, and then I walked across the crossing. He rode past me on his bike and then promptly took a wrong turn.

Nevertheless, by the time I reached the next road I was crossing, there he came bicycling back, a smile and a wave as he passed me again. As far as random encounters go, I rather enjoyed it.

Random
Life is a small series of random events at the moment, because everything else is connected to either business, church or Easter. And Easter is precious.

Today we have 2600 registrations and still counting. Ten days to go.

Been Home Lately

sky flashing and the heart’s still racing
just like a long, long highway ride
hands touching and the night’s still
bracing itself for the morning light
have you been home lately

living in a pocket grasp of my old life
carrying a beatup memory of my amorous self
holding back still holding you within
so everything can spark and sing
feels like coming home lately

i’ve been to lots of places
had you by my side, under my skin
but i’ve never been home with you
and the water rush and flood and burn
the light comes crashing in on me
and you within my heart, and on my mind
i’ve been to lots of places
had you by my side, under my skin
but i’ve never been home with you

grace fits me like a glove
everything can spark and sing
you by my side, under my skin
you within my heart, and on my mind