by | Aug 12, 2005 | Uncategorized

Try Being Profound, On a Regular Basis
It’s not the fun you think. There too many things in life to talk about, too many different things to think about. And if I took all the thoughts in my head, I would waste away the days, but without these things I think about I’m afraid the world.. will lose interest.

Oh, I know I’m not that wise… yet. I know I’ve got so much to learn. But still in the bottom of my veins somewhere.. I feel I oughta have something to say. Cos you don’t get this way for nothing. You don’t feel these things without some ultimate purpose, oh, I feel there oughta be a purpose.

For if I could be like Solomon, even for a day or week, my own problems I’m sure that I could solve and that would be productive. Cos I feel I’m living inside my head too much for the moment. And while it’s a pretty marvellous place to be, it screws with perspective. How I live is not the way, that many or any of us should be, there’s a lonely space and it don’t get better most days.

It doesn’t mean I’m sad. I say that a lot. It doesn’t comfort the way it should. And I say it’s good for my development, but I feel I’m going backwards mostly. So I think too much, pray aloud, sing a new song nearly every day. I just would like a roadmap Lord, is it too much to ask.

We can’t help but be comparative beings, and I do my share of comparisons, though I ought to know better, it strikes me.. that whilst you might believe I’m brilliant, or capable of such, there’s a concrete chain around my intellectual metabolism. I look to those around me, so much confidence they have, and I think, life’s so fragile and so fleeting, I’m so discontented with my days. I feel closer to dying but I’m still so young, yet it could be over in a matter of moments.. the speed with which it passes by. Find me lyrical, at a heartbeat, wrestling with the inner soul or was that a demon of obsession that never seems to want to let me go?

These few short days of mine, seem too few and yet so long. Is it wrong of me to hold the hope of heaven, knowing that’s the only place I’ll feel at home? But’s too far now to give me any of the peace that I may crave.

Give me a hope now, and a justice
a demonstration of the Love
that may lead me on for Glory’s sake
for I’m one of the Small Ones
who doesn’t know her way, You could
light a path to show me and I
would cling to Your footsteps.

by | Aug 10, 2005 | Uncategorized

Tagged…
I don’t think I’ve ever actually been web-tagged before. And because I have a delightful blog that can be anything it wants to be.. I am going to accept the challenge…meanwhile I’m eating Skittles. We only used to get them when Aunty Dana and Uncle John came home from the States. Now you can buy them here, but the fruity goodness reminds me of long ago days.. so it seems appropriate.

What I was doing ten years ago
I was at Epsom Girls Grammar School, hanging out with Te3re, singing, writing, learning, working at the fish’n’chip shop and stuff. Boring huh?

What I was doing five years ago
I was working at Life FM, hanging out at SCCC, beginning plans for Eastercamp 2001, working for BYM.

What I was doing one year ago
Getting ready for my trip to the States, planning Eastercamp 2005, hanging out at Windsor Park Baptist. Going to Carey Baptist College, interning and worshipleading in the youth ministry.

Yesterday
Worked at my temp job in town. Went to a leaders night at Windsor Park. Dinner at Al & Heather’s.

5 snacks I enjoy
…breads and dips
…chips and salsa
…coffee
…bananas
…hmmm… i can’t choose.

5 songs I know all the words to
Stink question for a worship leader.. ummm.. but outside of that..
.. multiple Dave Dobbyn charts
.. multiple Crowded House/Finn charts
.. multiple DMB charts
.. I know you by heart (Eva Cassidy version)
.. Earthsuit … Wonder

5 things I would do with $100 million
.. buy the house I live at
.. give a lot away to worthwhile people and things
.. buy some great guitars & amps & gigboards
.. start a missional creative arts trust for community kids
.. go for a holiday

5 locations I would like to run away to
.. Africa
.. America .. coast to coast, but only if I can bring some friends
.. New York
.. Ireland
.. Europe

am I being general enough to indicate that I can’t decide?

5 bad habits I have
.. not open my mail for long periods of time, unless it looks like a real letter.
.. being really untidy when I get busy.
.. taking the impersonal personally
.. over thinking things
.. staying up too late lost in good conversations

5 things I like doing
.. playing guitar/songwriting
.. being creative with paint, fabric, words, food
.. walking on beaches, with friends
.. cooking for friends
.. hanging out with music, coffee, wine, conversation

5 things I would never wear
.. anything peach
.. a two-piece bathing suit
.. a mini skirt
.. lycra anything unless it’s underneath
.. should you never say never..?

5 TV shows I like
.. buffy the vampire slayer & any spin off show
.. scrubs
.. the news.. I know.. I’m a geek.
.. mash
.. ok, so Extreme Make-over makes me cry

5 biggest joys of the moment
.. the possibilities of making music
.. knowing Dani will be here soon
.. hanging out with Jesse and Liam Stevens.. the boys!
.. being around my family and friends
.. seeing God things happen within my community

5 favorite toys
.. my guitars
.. my computer
.. my car stereo
.. my kitchen .. actually Andy & Kirsten’s kitchen
.. my camera

Now I’m tagging
.. Stu
.. Skip
.. Jeremy
.. Lynne

by | Aug 9, 2005 | Uncategorized

Ahi Kaa
So, beyond Friday.. I went to the women’s ministry event. There were several significant images that arose again. The tree, the garden and the river from Jeremiah, Isaiah and Psalms. The seasons and passing of the proper time from Galatians 6.9 and Ecclesiastes. The barren woman.

I am an unlit match, being held too close to the fire.

There was a picture of a dam, with cracks and holes appearing, the closer to the flame I get. I am frantically trying to plug the holes and cracks, and yet whilst I am furiously resistant to the dam breaking, I don’t know what’s behind it. So I can’t reason out why I wouldn’t want the dam to break.

Perhaps it’s a safe excuse for avoiding anything larger that might crop up.

Between these images, and feelings, and the growing sense of need for a home fire to be burning somewhere.. I’m a bit lost right now.

I need encouraging words and gentle reassurances.

by | Aug 5, 2005 | Uncategorized

The Fire
I once moved to a church community that convinced me they lived so passionately in the midst of their faith, I wanted to be part of an irresistable movement. Jeremy came past to drop off some photos at the office tonight and talked intentional living spaces. Steve talks about the ahi kaa .. the home fires.

These ideas swirl in front of me, as I sit with lit prayer candles in my office, planning a labyrinth for next week, and asking the question.. where is Jesus inviting me to next?

by | Aug 3, 2005 | Uncategorized

In Light Of This
I am trying to remain at peace in a flurry of the world where I feel compelled to make decisions I have got no handle on, and I can’t even start to think about the possibilities…

But I can’t stop thinking about them.

I have a little place, where I like to hide away, where it all seems effortless. And it takes a little while to get there, for the harmony to sit just right, but by the time we all arrive, I never want to leave, never want to go, I’m happy just to stay… and the song goes on… something like that.

Anyway, the point is, I have this space that’s nothing but a feeling, when something is sitting just right. It’s a harmony about working and sharing and living this life in the space of another life, close enough to compliment.

Most of the time, I don’t live in the immediate sympathy of that harmony, but since the past few weeks, I’ve been luxuriating in it, the easiness and focus of it, the complimentary nature of it. The way it brings out the best in me these days. And it makes me think that I don’t want to leave.

It influences me to stay because there is a ground swell of something happening that’s bigger than me and seems worth the investment of time, energy and pain. So I’m thinking about staying and not assuming that my season here is done when my internship finishes at the end of the year.

by | Aug 3, 2005 | Uncategorized

The Tipping Point
I gave a girl a tip today because she was beautiful. She had acne, quite severe, covered over with makeup, and it was pristine. Her eyes sparkled and she was warm. I thought that she was truly beautiful and I gaver her a tip in the jar at Starbucks. And then I ordered a Caramel Chai Tea Latte.. and I’m glad that I did because it tastes like Christmas. Warm, spicy, nutty and cinnamon-y.