by tashmcgill | Mar 19, 2012 | Church, Spirituality, youth ministry, Youth Work
The kids are rowdy and excitable this particular Friday night. It’s been a while since I made an appearance at our church community youth programme. Most of these students are between 10 and 15 years old, from a couple of local intermediate schools, friends of friends and a few church community folks as well.
I’m pretty stoked with how this little group is buzzing along – there’s lots of excitement and the leaders are enthusiastic, young and engaged. But I’m not sure they were quite expecting what I pulled outta the bag this youth group night.
For starters, I’m a big believer that when you’re the guest speaker, it’s way easier to go where the kids are, get them to show their colours a little bit and win them over by making sure they’re having fun. I don’t need them to listen to me talk for 30 mins – I want them to be engaged with each other, and with what I’m talking about for ten minutes.
The topic for the night is the one you always get a guest speaker for. It’s not the sex talk, that’s probably still six months away – but I’m talking about the difference between girls and guys, to a motley crew of middle school (intermediate) and junior high kids.
Here’s how it rolled out.
After a few games and snacks; it was “guest speaker” time. I busted the students out; boys on one side of the room, girls on the other. I gave them a couple of big sheets of paper, some pens and asked each group to draw/write/describe their ideal guy & girl. No surprise, the noise and laughter in the room exploded, but not before I gave the leaders some special instructions. Whatever happened, I wanted the groups to be as honest as possible.
About ten minutes later, the activity was done and we pinned those ideals up on the wall. I started out by talking about how everyone’s probably told them they’re at a critical stage of life and that they’re really kinda lucky – because there’s a lot of study going into what’s happening for them. Then I followed through by saying – some of this stuff is helpful for you to know, so you don’t feel caught out by surprise.
I pointed out a few differences between the way each group thought about the opposite sex, but also how they came up with the answers. Here are a few..
1. The girls used dozens and dozens of words to describe their ideal guy & girl; the boys put almost all their energy into drawing rather than words.
2. The boys described lots of activities, the girls lots of qualities.
3. The girls thought the ideal guy had to have tattoos, the boys thought the ideal woman wouldn’t have any tattoos.
4. The boys described the ideal girl as being someone who loved video games, sport, didn’t take too long in the bathroom, wasn’t grumpy and like hanging out with their friends. The girls responded by saying “your ideal girl is just a guy that looks like a girl!”.
Then we talked all the stuff it could mean, as well as some other development facts to reassure them what normal can be. I’m a big fan of reassuring people when you’re doing any kind of adolescent development talk.
The boys asked a really insightful question: “Why is it when girls are hanging out at school, when a guy walks past them, they all stop talking? And how come girls can be so mean to each other?” I thought that was a great opportunity to talk about the differences between how guys and girls compare themselves to each other. That girls often compare negatively but guys can compare in an affirming way. It was a fascinating conversation.
Then it was time to wrap up the night, with a few more laughs – especially with those boys that had decided Megan Fox was the ideal woman. I was done, and they were off.
It was in the wrap-up afterwards, that I realized a bunch of those young leaders may well have been taken by surprise with the one thing missing. I didn’t mention Jesus, God or God’s creation or sex. I eliminated all the “typical” elements of a Christian youth group Guys & Girls talk. Did you notice it?
Sometimes I think it’s way too easy for us to put a Jesus #hashtag on everything we do in youth group, as if it makes broomball spiritual, or somehow makes what we say to young people more relevant and meaningful. But I suspect, it’s part of what inoculates young people to where and when spirituality might be relevant. So sometimes, I think you can be more meaningful without tagging Jesus in as an after-thought.
What do you think?
by tashmcgill | Sep 7, 2011 | Writing Work, Youth Work
Earlier in the year, Marko asked me to come onboard as a contributor for Slant33. The key idea is to ask a range of pertinent, insightful and thought-provoking questions (one a week) with three different voices offering their answer for discussion and commentary.
I jumped at the opportunity as I really trust Marko’s insight as a thinker and leader to help facilitate the process and range of both questions and perspectives, but also because I love the idea of a column that offers so much engagement and depth in one sitting. Even as a contributor – waiting to see what people are going to say, how it differs from your own, what it adds.. it’s really a fun and stretching process. Here’s my first contribution answering the question, “in what practical ways do you find solitude and rest?”
I’d love you to have a read and offer your thoughts and comments on the site – I promise your voice will enrich the conversation!
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by tashmcgill | Mar 15, 2011 | Spirituality, Youth Work
This is Part #2 of a 3-part series for youthworkers on responding when young people experience trauma. Responding to trauma such as accidental death, natural disasters and community events may not be something that we spend a lot of time training for as youthworkers, but some basic pointers can help guide you in uncertain times and give you a reference point. For those of you who have dealt with teenagers in responding to trauma, I’d love you to add your ideas, experiences and reflections to the benefit of others.
Part #2: Managing Impact. Looking at helpful first steps in allowing a young person to effectively deal with trauma experience as best as they are able, including questions around spirituality & future security.
- identifying the trauma and accepting what happened.
- identifying the behaviour/feelings that are trauma-related.
- accepting that the symptoms are completely normal and recoverable.
- putting in place some basic responses to help the recovery process.
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by tashmcgill | Mar 14, 2011 | Spirituality, Youth Work
This is Part #1 of a 3-part series for youthworkers on responding when young people experience trauma. Responding to trauma such as accidental death, natural disasters and community events may not be something that we spend a lot of time training for as youthworkers, but some basic pointers can help guide you in uncertain times and give you a reference point. For those of you who have dealt with teenagers in responding to trauma, I’d love you to add your ideas, experiences and reflections to the benefit of others.
#1: Identifying Trauma and Recognizing the Potential Impact. Focusing predominantly on what various trauma experiences can look like & the symptoms or behaviour you might expect.
#2: Managing Impact. Looking at helpful first steps in allowing a young person to effectively deal with trauma experience as best as they are able, including questions around spirituality & future security.
#3: Self-care & The Walking Wounded. Dealing with trauma first-hand, looking after yourself to better care for others and when a whole community suffers trauma or loss.
I knew something was wrong the minute he walked into the room. My usually bright, energetic (too energetic) teenager was quiet, shaken and withdrawn from the group. But identifying the difference between the sudden onset of adolescent mood swings and the residual impact of a trauma he had experienced days prior took a period of hours and a totally dishevelled youth group night.
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by tashmcgill | Dec 1, 2010 | Community, Spirituality, Youth Work
This is a thought on discipleship and journey with young people and young adults. For starters, I don’t really believe in young adult or even college ministry being separate from youth ministry in a church context, or even youth ministry being altogether separate from regular community activities. I’m thinking that the future looks far more like embedded than it does integrated. But that’s for later.
For now, I want to think about and talk about Shift & Return in youth ministry in the context of narrative theology and praxis.
There’s more on the theology and praxis side coming, but I need to choose those words really carefully and so I’m sitting on them for a while, but I can write about story and meaning. Throughout the scriptures, we return over and over to the same moments and fragments of history and narrative within the text. Parallelism, quoted prophets, the psalms are full of “remember, remember when”.
When the leadership and direction of the group of young adults I had been working with changed, one of them came to me wrestling with these new stories and new perspectives. I encouraged her, that she was the historian, the storyteller of the group. She had a unique ability to tell the “remember when” stories that surrounded that specific community with their values, their crisis and identity moments, their Shift moments, when something changed, shifted, became apparent or evidenced in their narrative. I think that learning to retell the Shift moments, helps us and our young people Return to the learning processes, the historical lessons, the framework that helps shape their tribal identity.
Similarly, those Shift & Return functions help to create a systemic, life-giving narrative that others can join. It can allow others to step into the story by retelling, relearning, reimagining and reassessing what we experienced, learned, changed and actioned as a result. So it helps a culture stay alive, helps a lesson stay truthful.
But I’m also thinking about Shift & Return in an individual’s life. Sometimes it seems no matter how hard a student or I try to shift from a place or a moment in history, we’re inevitably forced into Return mode. Unless we artfully shift our perspective or understanding of those moments, habits, stories and experiences – we risk becoming stuck in Return mode, constantly brought back to something that feels like the beginning. That’s not discipleship – because too often we ourselves end up perpetuating expectation of a pattern of thinking or behaviour in those around us that prohibits a different outcome.
I want to be a youthworker that harnesses the power of Shift & Return in our communal narrative for our individual discipleship experiences. I want to engage the 3rd dimension – the Up dimension. That as we return to moments, stories, habits our perspective on them changes… that we might move up and away from those narratives. All thorns have the potential to cause a scar. The scar in itself is not depth, but the opportunity for depth. Never returning isn’t depth, it’s just avoiding. Sometimes depth, understanding and growing as a disciple and a discipler is figuring out how to enable Shifting of perspectives, Returning to places of pain and moving Upwards, creating depth in character.
For starters, how do you engage Up? We have to disengage from Stuck mode. Expectation of the same result or behaviour needs to not become a normative feature of our youth ministries.
by tashmcgill | Sep 2, 2008 | Culture & Ideas, Spirituality, Youth Work
There are certain ways that societies organise and arrange themselves .. in facing my recent changes in work and life.. one of the most significant passages of time was sitting with Renier Greef, co-author of this book and psychologist.
He told me the story of Medicine Man Chief, the ancient themes that echo in today’s world just as strongly.
Tribes arrange themselves around chiefs. The stronger the chief, the bigger the tribe. Chiefs have mini-chiefs. They are found at the centre of the tribe – the Chieftains house is always in the centre – the focal point of the tribe’s direction and leadership. Tribespeople need a chief, and chiefs need tribespeople in order to be a chief at all. The loyalty is chief to tribe, tribe to chief. They are dependant on one another for security.
Chiefs are good or bad, sometimes good and bad. They have a job to do – which is leading people, leading the tribe.
But there is another crucial and necessary person in the life of any people group – the Medicine Man. The medicine man never lives within the tribe. He lives on the outskirts, outside the city gates or simply travels in a nomadic fashion between tribes that require his services.
The medicine man isn’t loyal to the tribe or to the chief. He’s loyal to the Higher Truth. His is the business of healing. Of bringing truth to the tribe. As such, he has great influence and power. He can be magnetic and charismatic, just like a chief, but his loyalty to truth (which is ultimately for the sake and care of the tribespeople) will always be his highest priority.
But tell a story… where a chief, with a big tribe and lots of mini-chiefs all of a sudden discovers an illness within the tribe. A sickness that needs the services of a medicine man. An inground misbelief that needs truth spoken to it. He puts out the call to the medicine man, who comes, with all his knowledge and healing ability, all his concern for the tribespeople.
He sets to work bringing truth and light. Healing returns to the tribe, health comes forth in new and powerful ways. The medicine man operates outside of the usual systems. At first the chief is grateful for the good work of the medicine man. But eventually, the people come to recognize the skill of the medicine man. They begin to trust his ability to bring healing and wisdom to the way of the tribe.
Now the chief has a choice. A good chief will recognise the value of having a good medicine man in the tribe. He’ll work with him, forging trust. See, the medicine man doesn’t want to be the chief – he’s firstly loyal to the Higher Truth, then the people. The chief is loyal to the cause of the tribe, it’s strength and health. That’s where his prowess and manna as a chief comes from.
A good chief will work in healthy tension and trust with the medicine man, allowing him to do his work. The medicine man most wants recognition of his particular skill, the chief wants recognition as leader of the tribe, he wants loyalty.
A moderate chief will send the medicine man on his way, ensuring that his position of leadership within the tribe remains unthreatened, only to call on the medicine man again in the future.
A bad chief, simply sees the threat to his leadership and kills the medicine man.
When the chief kills the medicine man, everyone loses. At least when the medicine man is sent on his way, the knowledge of the medicine man remains accessible when it’s next needed. But when you kill the medicine man, the relationship is severed, there is significant loss to the tribe.
So… what am I? Where do I fit in? Where do any of us fit?
I’m a medicine man. Simple. But I’m also a medicine man who understands and appreciates the complexity of the chief’s role. I respect the chief’s job. But I don’t necessarily want it. In fact, my preference is much more as chief of the medicine men, schooling up a tribe of folks bred to bring healing and truth and light into many more tribes.
Sidenote: When a medicine man becomes chief.. they really become a benevolent dictator according to Greef. In other words, their way really is the only way, but because their way is primarily directed towards the health of the tribe, there is a healthy amount of trust and freedom available. In fact, some believe that Jesus, who came first as a medicine man when they were expecting a chief, will come again as a benevolent dictator… a dictator because his ways are right, but loved because of the rightness of his ways.
So I’m a medicine man that got killed…. because my ways were so different, but there is a huge strength within me to say .. they were the right ways. And I could never offer my loyalty to anything other than the Truth, the highest Truth.
Youthwork & The Medicine Man
So I wonder .. as youthworkers.. are we more likely to be chiefs or medicine men? Is there some clarity offered to the ages-old tension between seniors and youth pastors in the distinctions here? It’s true – some youth pastors are chiefs, but they are more likely to be grafted in as mini-chiefs, whereas the medicine men youthworkers who threaten the stability of loyalty and leadership within the tribe are the ones most likely to find themselves in conflict within a hierarchal structure.
What can be done? Well, for starters, understanding who you are is always going to be helpful… and then understanding certain circumstances that help or conversely hinder your ability to function within the organisations you find yourself.
Long-term pastors? Chiefs, who hopefully have learnt the value of their role and the role of medicine men within the life and vibrancy of the tribe. Short-termers? Medicine men who are there for a season.. I can think of a number of interim pastors who bring healing and hope to fragile commmunities for a season before moving on.
Lots of key ministry leaders are mini chiefs, who can align effectively with pastoral staff because they understand the structure of loyalty and respect they operate on. Medicine men struggle because they operate in different ways.
A bad chief often will think they can apply the same ‘medicine’ as the medicine man, hence repeating someone else’s good idea without the same healthy impact or effect. They, no longer ‘needing’ the medicine man, can send him on his way and thus maintain the security of their position within the tribe..
There are so many ways to think about this, apply it, unpack it and understand it. It may not all be right, but for now this is an important application for me as itinerant speaker, leader, creative pastor… i can bring my gifts and healing to multiple locations, whilst understanding now how to derail the fear of many chiefs.. “do they want my job?”.
