by tashmcgill | Apr 4, 2014 | Culture & Ideas
I am surrounded by people who are dying. Some, slightly removed. Some I look in the eye every day. It appears common that there are two responses to terminal diagnosis, after the shock, grief and anger that is normal and healthy.
The first seems to be the most common: an heroic approach to hopeful expectation of medical miracles, an overwhelming belief in the power of positive thinking. A hopeful optimism about ‘living life to the full’, as if in defiance of the diagnosis.
The second, less common, also seems hopeful, at least to me. A hopeful pragmatism, a leaning into what it might mean to die well.
It seems to me that most of the western world is afraid of dying. Not of death, but of the process of dying. It’s the unavoidable conclusion we all face, regardless of spiritual beliefs, that the breath will end, the body will cease the function, the mind will close and the end of this life will come.
That last breath is just that. The end will come in a moment, a rattling breath held between long pauses until the pause becomes the final cadence. It’s the journey to those last seconds that we resist and pull against.
Only the Good Die Young
It’s hard not to feel the tragedy of life ending for people in their prime. Those who are still enjoying the fragrance of youth, the romance of leisurely weekends or the thrill of newborn days. Worse still, the tiny ones for whom life is swept away before it’s barely begun.
Maybe there is a hard truth in here; we’ve come to expect that life is some we’re entitled to, rather than a fragile, sometimes fleeting gift.
I feel the pull of injustice and fury, those new parents who face leaving the world before their children have a chance to know them. Those who die from preventable disease create the same response in me – but they are faceless, my friends are not.
Is it possible though, that we could be happy about dying? That we could communally accept death as a healthy process and engage in meaningful grief, acceptance and peace?
The Myth of Cure
We can cure some diseases. We can ease the symptoms of some viruses. We can prevent some illnesses from their drastic effects. But humanity, science and medicine has many limitations.
We cannot cure all maladies, and we absolutely cannot cure Death.
So when we talk about medicine, we talk about prolonging life. We rage, we fight, we strive for life – but we cannot cure Death. In fact, Death is necessary. More necessary that we often like to admit, but without it there can be no inheritance.
Death is a process of seasons; all of which are vital. Death is not a disease, death is not to be cured.
The Ideology Of Dying
Perhaps, Death is to be lived. As much a thriving, growing, seeding process as the seed that is buried in the earth to be transformed into something new. The pumpkin seed bears no resemblance to it’s fruit until you cut within it. Yet, life in one must cede in order to provide sustenance to the other. So in dying, purpose can be fulfilled as sweetly as in living. We just need to consider that dying well is in fact, an act of life.
The Theology Of It All
Inevitably, it seems that it’s hard to talk about the end of life without engaging in some belief or another about what happens after that.
It’s funny to me, that some people can talk about what people don’t deserve. The idea that someone could believe in a God who thinks some people do deserve a death while their children are in infancy, or a long, protracted suffering. Similarly, those who have the audacity to proclaim that death is something we determine worth by.
It’s a strange kind of grief that accepts the death of one, more easily than another and claims that as some sort of fairness or justice, by merit of what one deserves. Conversely, the phrase ‘if anyone deserves a miracle, it’s you’ sickens me. How disconnected from reality are we, if our idea of comforting words is such a false and futile statement?
You see, we’re still – Christian, Atheist, Muslim, whatever – susceptible to viewing Death as punishment, the unexpected ending, rather than what it is.
Death is the final season, the closing bell. It comes in all sorts of shapes and forms. It used to come sooner, often quicker. Now, we hold out the value of life above the value of a good death. We fight to hold onto days of dulled pain, for a shot of more time.
But time is only worth what you give it. Maybe we spend too much time waiting for life to get good before we start living. Then we rage against Death, when that’s as much part of living as anything else.
Times Past
More, more, more. It used to be that women sent their husbands to war with the hopes of their return. Nowadays, we scramble for text messages throughout the day.
Imagine if the modern-day long distance romance had to wait on airmail or sea delivery instead of digital audio, email and video calling? We’ve become used to the luxury of accessible time. Being able to connect with people more often, more easily. When we want to.
That’s the luxury we can’t bear to be separated from. Death remains as resolute as ever. No matter how many text messages, instagrams, blog posts, Facebook updates or coffee dates – when Death comes, connection is over.
It’s connection that we crave – connection that tells us, reminds us we are living indeed. No wonder we fight and rage against death. But still Death comes. So it should.
We’ve come to crave connection and scream ‘Unfair!’ when Death comes to take it from us, when we should be more interested in better endings.
by tashmcgill | Dec 12, 2013 | Culture & Ideas, Mind
It’s possible, you know, to get stuck in a moment. To get stuck in a feeling. Reliving the words someone has spoken to you or about it. Reliving the experience you’ve just had. Constantly re-imagining how it may have gone differently, worked towards a different outcome.
It’s possible to just get stuck by running a thought to it’s final destination and not knowing where to go next. Or to forget to change the tape in your head that labels you ‘failure’, ‘loser’, ‘not good enough’, ‘unloved’ … or conversely, ‘hero’, ‘person everything relies on’, ‘fix-it man’.
Stuckness has a lot of layers. At first it can seem like you’re trapped, closed in, prohibited from moving. But the truth is, you’re not entirely prohibited from moving, you’re just unable to move in certain ways. Or, stuck in certain patterns of moving that you can’t change without some external force or intervention.
Internal self-talk is one of these moments. Whether the tapes playing in your head are on just one theme or 12 different ones on repeat, often you can’t change the tapes without further input and help.
Same with rebound relationships and holding a grudge. You know it’s not a good idea, that it can’t get you closer to the end goal. But like a soccer ball covered in glue, these emotional habits can be so sticky that once you make contact again, you can’t let it go.
Then there is stuckness that is good. It’s the kind of stuckness you get to when you’ve been waiting for a while. It’s the kind of stuckness that slowly enables you to open your eyes and see what’s really around you. Spend enough time being stuck and soon, pathways and possibilities for becoming unstuck might appear where they weren’t obvious before. Being stuck gives you time to really observe your surroundings.
Being stuck is a great time to acknowledge how you got to where you are.
Sometimes, when heartbreak comes along, our natural tendency is to find someone to soothe the wound, to heal the break, to make us feel loved again.. but in these times, it can be better to be stuck for a while and get to know ourselves again.
Being stuck is actually, more often than not, a good thing. It’s an opportunity to call on those we trust and rely on to intervene in our situation.
A little unsticking strategy will always require a little effort and patience.
Not unlike writers’ block, a little waiting time is sometimes necessary for the right ideas and new opportunities to shake themselves loose. In the same way the gate and fencepost swell with summer heat and moisture, requiring effort and patience to open. Long walks in sunlit valleys lie beyond that fencepost, but not without time and work.
The trouble is, being stuck can feel like going nowhere, but a lot of the time, being stuck is just the break your sub-conscious needed to figure out what’s next and how to navigate it.
It’s like taking the precious seeds we carry, our hopes and dreams and then burying them down in earth, waiting and hoping for it to come back to life. It’ll take 6 weeks before that seed takes on a life of it’s own above the surface of the soil. It might even take longer. But Stuckness says, embrace the darkness and damp of the soil. Learn to be patient in the absence of light. Learn (and trust) that your time is coming.
That seed will likely sprout and look nothing like the seed’s skin it shed to become a plant, vegetable or flower. But it was never stuck. It was just the unseen growth that happens when it feels like you’re standing still.
by tashmcgill | Feb 7, 2013 | Culture & Ideas, Friendship
“Welcome to the age of self-management, it’s all on you from here.” It was said with a smile, but in a tone that makes the blood run cold. More truth held in the six words at the end of that sentence than I’d heard for quite some time. I was being given a choice about how to respond.
The infallible truth is, my life is a direct result of my choices and actions. Both poor and good choices construct a set of circumstances that I, and I alone, must take responsibility for. Regardless of how we interact with other individuals and how their choices may impact on us, our choices to respond to those circumstances lands the responsibility firmly in our own hands. Your life isn’t what happens to you, it’s how you respond. (more…)
by tashmcgill | Jan 26, 2013 | Culture & Ideas, god ideas
Whether you embrace change, or change is thrust upon you without warning – the process of transformation is long and hard. I have long been a lover of Henri Nouwen’s journal of letters to himself, “The Inner Voice of Love”. If I was to minister to myself; this is what I would remind myself of.
“You need to recognize the difference between change and transformation. You keep expecting that these external circumstances that reflect change around you, will mirror or gauge the change within you. But you don’t change, people can only transform. One thing must become another. You can’t tear out your heart and simply replace it with a new one, much as one relationship cannot be exchanged for another. We must transform. So these external changes you are processing, can transform you internally, if you choose. But you must choose this: it will not simply happen by osmosis. It is too easy to adopt new behaviours and claim newness, when really all you are doing is maintaining a facade. (more…)
by tashmcgill | Apr 1, 2009 | Uncategorized, youth ministry
A week or so ago, I managed to squeeze in an early morning session at Massey University, with TSCF (Tertiary Students Christian Fellowship) led by Nigel Pollock, National Director, (personal blog).
It was a session for those working with 18 – 24 year olds in campus or local church environments. Nigel’s passion for faith engaging culture is evident, the thrust of his presentation being around identifying cultural/global trends and identifying the following issues for students and challenges for student ministry.
I’ve taken a bunch of notes (incomplete – as I had to leave about 5 mins before the end) but you get the idea. I agreed with a number of his points, wasn’t convinced on others and really appreciated the snapshot opportunity provided by having such a variety of ethnic, on & off-campus ministers and chaplains together.
Interact please, I’m interested to see what response you have to this stuff – especially considering the ease of being able to fall into cliche responses. I’ll post my thoughts next.
We are in a significant time of change in western culture
– connection between the world more obvious
– a time of generational watershed as babyboomers come to the end of their responsibilities.
– British Army slogan has changed over the last century from “Your Country Needs You!” to “You Need The British Army”.
– Self-fulfillment has become more important than service
– Even ministry roles is self-actualisation to one extent
– the idea of ministry being to glorify God is secondary to the utilitarian value of ministry (what fits my gifts and passions).
ISSUES AFFECTING STUDENTS 18 – 24 years.
1. Globalization
– we’ve been driven by a global economic market.*
For the first time, this economic drive is being questioned in light of current situation.
EFFECT
Student Choices for Education – philosophy/histories (Ed. – General Humanities) courses are in decline as students are encouraged to study for job choice, however this isn’t actually making them better off. Educated workforce for the sake of education doesn’t benefit, the goal of tertiary education has always been learning to think.
Student Debt – Govt policy (NZ) is user pays education. Debt is becoming an increasing issue, creating a negative cycle with cultural expectation that education is a requirement for job placement. Also creates a consumer mentality around education systems and providers.
Student Work – Majority of campus students are working 10+ hrs per week (NZ) to support the education process (ED. Not separate to the debt cycle, debt + working = head above water). The traditional university life where students engaged with sport, culture, community is changing to reflect the time available. Student experiences change generation to generation.
Graduate Work Experience – Work has become a means to an end throughout student career, paid employment is to support the ‘important stuff’. Exposes the dualism present, most do not operate in a culture where work is connected to purpose.**
CHALLENGE building students who are more than consumers and still ‘givers’ from a debt position.
2. Cultural Complexity
– changes to marriage and family templates, norms and expectations affect fabric of traditional culture and societal structures.
– internet connects and resources groups differently to traditional geographic dependant strategy.
– I am my own brand***
– multi ethnic diversity on campus and expanding in the wider populus****
ISSUES
– Connected but not relating
– Gospel unity and membership – questions of individualism and community dualism
– what does multicultural mean?
CHALLENGE
What does indigenous mission look like? The traditional model meant foreigners would ‘train’ locals to reach locals. But in an immigrant culture, what is the most appropriate model. (ED. How does Affinity impact connection points, esp. with internet based study methods?) How much of yourself do you bring to true Multiculturalism? ie: do you wear the burka or not? What does it mean for an immigrant student to become part of a multiethnic community that creates separation from the family culture? The mosaic world we live is creates enormous questions over identity.*****
– more people groups on campus
– the truth of the gospel can’t be compromised
– the culture gap between the church and society grows wider
– impact of global culture (driven by West Coast US) on indigenous peoples regardless
– STUDENTS ARE FORMING IDENTITY BASED ON GLOBAL/NATIONAL/TRIBAL instinct when engaging at university, rather than trad. forms.(ED. – tribal being based in affinity or proximity to experience)
(NB. doesn’t seem surprising that the emergence of this affinity driven identity task would appear in 18 – 25s as a ‘final stage’ of development. Seems that the Global and tribal influence on individual culture will continue to increase rather than national/ethnic boundaries.)
3. Media
– moved from being viewers, to programmers, to cyborgs
– for Gen Y, mobile phones actually form part of their identity/ or identity is in tech.
STUDENT ISSUE – Connectedness (need for it – but is it genuine?)
– Norms society>individual>family>vacuum
STUDENT ISSUE – permissiveness and despair, ie: the complexity of social ethics
– Reality is changeable, the abundance of photo-retouching when image is everything, but no image is left unaltered
STUDENT ISSUE – Self-image and awareness of reality, expectations on self and others
CHALLENGES
– Models of ministry that use network rather than hierarchy based systems (ED. Address normative identity formation and affinity more effectively, allow more flexibility)
– engaged creativity (ED. importance of contributing to the wider ‘media’)
– adoptive relationships
4. Family
– fragmentation of Gen X – move towards childfriendly protectionism within society and family structures
STUDENT ISSUE – results in removing the opportunity and requirement of leadership and initiative from the emerging generation
– complicated & extended family relationships
STUDENT ISSUE – Hurt (ED. Identity plays a part here too.)
CHALLENGES
– Using the “Believe/Behave/Belong” model in unison rather than focusing on one element is a big challenge but important.****** Preparing future parents is also key.
5. IDEAS & VALUES
– debate on nature
– God vs. Science was the defining argument of the 19th century but the question has shifted
– what does it mean to be human? Humanity – what makes us special. Decline in the humanities means that there are even fewer Christian academics studying in this field, traditionally the focus has been
in science.
– traditionally Academic Ideas influence Popular Ideas, which in turn influence further study & ongoing Academic Ideas.
– churches historically have avoided academic pursuit and have had an anti-intellectal approach to young people, but as the age of critical choices is declining from 20’s, to teens, to tweens – people are moving backwards looking for understanding and framework.
Right – so, digest, ponder, respond. I’m going to post my thoughts tomorrow – along with a review of this book…Inside the Mind Of Youth Pastors.
