by | Mar 10, 2006 | Uncategorized

Faithful

you said be with me
and I said I am young
you said we’ll get older
i said it could be fun

you said be with me
and took me by the hand
I looked into you
and wanted all you had

you be careful with me darling
you uphold me
and I’ll be careful with your love dear
how it carries me
I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
let’s hold on together
I will honour you

you said be with me
I said I’m older now
you said it didn’t matter
and I was getting colder
I said I want you to hold me
you said you had the time
I wish I had more to offer
all I have to offer are these old, aching arms

you be careful with me darling
you uphold me
and I’ll be careful with your love dear
how it carries me
I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
let’s hold on together
I will honour you

I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
I carry your heart in my heart
I’ll be faithful

A Week
Last week I wrote about the death of Sam. You can read more of the story here. I was very proud of Stu, and of D who gave an appropriate address from the family. Mostly I was amazed with L & J, who were remarkable in their grief and sorrow, yet true to the values and faith that they cherish. The children that ran around the church building during the funeral were the very best reminder that life is fleeting, fragile, precious and ought to be relished in all moments. I have never seen grief as beautiful as their submission to the process.

Also this week.

I said goodbye to my sister, who has departed on her OE .. a very big adventure. She left amid much tears, fears, boldness and heartbreak. It was very sad and yet thrilling to see her go.

Dani visited.

A wedding tomorrow.

by | Mar 3, 2006 | Uncategorized

Fleeting, Fragile Breath Of Life

fleeting, fragile breath of life
i have loved you even while
in the dark, secluded space
you were made, so well
you have left me right
before I had the chance to tell you
everything there is to say to
someone fragile, precious as you are

darkness, light colliding
here upon this broken, fragile heart
my own delight as fleeting as the
moments of your breath
precious, fragile, fleeting
breath of life you steal
away from me so silently

loved
you are
my
precious
fragile
fleeting
one

i will love you til the end of me

In the world of technology, medical advance and science, some things are still unexplicable and unknown. I read the stories of women who blog their deeply vunerable stories of infertility and miscarriage. I read their sorrows and triumphs. I have journeyed with friends who have lost baby after baby.

A very dear friend just lost her third child; a son, at full-term. No explanation as yet. I saw her just last week, distended belly and swollen ankles, looking a picture of motherhood. We laughed and joked about what her other children are planning on naming the baby, and how her eldest is excited about being a boss in the household now. For the past 10 days she has been in my prayers constantly, as I have been expecting baby news.

My sorrow for her is only multipled by how many other friends have shared this. The grief of a woman bereft of her child stings me to the core.

by | Feb 28, 2006 | Uncategorized

Beautiful
I have invested some time in beauty for the past couple of days. I sent some cards to near and dear people who I needed to remind how wonderful, meaningful and present they are in my heart. It brought warmth back into perspective to do that for a few minutes yesterday.

by | Feb 27, 2006 | Uncategorized

Wide Awake And Dreaming
Last night I dreamt of a house with lots of rooms that all connected to one another in straight lines, with wide windows. All the bedrooms on the 2nd floor were light and bright, and overlooked a clean wide deck with a bright horizon. On the first floor there was an atrium of light, with a bathroom and kitchen, a broad square table with lots of seats. An abundance of glassware, serving bowls, utensils. Everything was ready. The whole side of the house facing out to that same horizon line was open in conertina doors. The room continued outside and down a level. On the right hand side of the house was a swimming pool with a tiled mosaic in the bottom, and lush patches of bush.

My mother, sisters and stepdad were all there, and i was showing them the house that I was living in, showing them the home I had made, the life that was successful. It was a different kind of success, but it was rich and deep and felt connected to all things. There were lots of memories waiting for that house, memories of rooms crammed full of people and stories and laughing. Memories of intimate moments and crowded thoughts. I had this amazing sense of peace about being home. There was water in the distance and strong trees all around.

It was one of those dreams where you are so awake in the dream, and it’s so vivid that it’s more like real life than nothing, and you wake up feeling like you haven’t slept but you’ve been in the midst of the frenetic activity your sub-conscious creates for you. It’s a strange thing these dreams.

(once like a spark)

if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever

(and so to dark)

-ee cummings

Work And Play
When asked by an absent friend what I was up to – I summarised.. work/faith/employment crisis. I mentioned that I may have to shoot myself soon. He promised not to be the one to pull the trigger – however humourous though, the case remains. I’m in a state of flux about where this all fits together.

I have an interview with Elders tomorrow for a job position here. Seems interesting but it’s not enough to live on. There’s every reason in the book as to why it’s not a full-time position (namely that hardly anyone here is fulltime). But it doesn’t make it right. But Eastercamp doesn’t pay me enough to live either. That means I’m in interesting waters – again looking at the possibility of full-time secular work to support my volunteer time. Which I’m not opposed to, just disappointed in.

Luke had some good advice – the youth ministry is about to undergo a review and that process will undoubtedly be painful and detailed. Probably not a great time to be a part-time employee with extra loading of expectations and pressure to perform in limited circumstances, in an unlimited way. My experience of multiple employers in the past, holds true, that they always expect to be your number one priority. Luke suggested that it’s a much better time to be a volunteer with high ownership than an employee with limited resource and power to instigate progressive change. I have a tendency to agree, but still find the career management of ministry distasteful.

I’m not sure where the future will be.

by | Feb 27, 2006 | Uncategorized

Blog Visitors Via Google.Co.Nz Find ‘Tash McGill’
You thought I wasn’t watching.. but I was. Hello New Plymouth. I hope you’re having a lovely evening.