There’s a whisper of you in a coffee cup, sitting outside under green shades.
I’m making decisions to leave you alone, but you’re whispering back to me.
You quiet me and I want you more than I realised.
Here’s to sweet summer songs, memories of great concerts and beach picnics.
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
When the sun is high in the afternoon sky
you can always find something to do
but from dusk til dawn as the clock ticks on
something happens to youIn the wee small hours of the morning
It’s the time you lie awake, and think about .. someone and never ever think of counting sheep. It’s 2.52am as I type this. I’ve read a whole novel with drooping eyelids, trying to will myself to sleep. I have such a big week this week – lots of travel and commitments and creativity required, I can’t afford to be off my game.
But you, are running around in my head, not letting me have any peace at all. And why, oh why, I can’t explain – when there’s nothing you have said or done to make me feel this way. But I can’t sleep tonight, now that you are out of sight… and who knows though tomorrow you will likely say my name, for tonight, you are very far away.
On any other day, I’d write a song about it. Like so many have before – a song about the darkness and the quiet of the lonely hours just before the dawn. If you were here, I would wake you with kisses, and tell you of the rush inside my veins. Where the blood is pulsing that much quicker, just because you’re resting on my mind. I’d wake you with promises of sunrise, and open up the curtains for the stars. Maybe even sit outside in moonlight – it’s nearly full. And that’s the place where my love always starts.
Tomorrow, when it starts, although it’s already arrived, will bring a day of greyness and gloom I’m certain, for the moon is due to rise fully and completed and on those days I’m prone to feel the sadness, for no reason. Now I’m lying here awake, I’m yawning with out sleeping, and my eyes are weeping round the edges.
::Update::
I was dreaming when I finally got to sleep this morning. A big house with wide open windows. You were running around with the kids, while I lay in bed being lazy and enjoying the sound of a full house. The laughter was infectious and my cheeks are sore from smiling in my dream. You came rushing into the room, laying down on the bed – you smiled at me, and I smiled back, kids laughing and giggling as they climbed up. White linen everywhere.. and then the phone rang and I had to answer it. For some reason, I just couldn’t get this person off the phone, when all I wanted to do was tuck up underneath the arm you were extended, and rest my head against yours, surveying the wondrousness of a life.
You always seem to make a room seem so full of life. Where did this all come from? Go back inside my head, sweet thoughts that are so distracting.
Scaramuse
oh my soul
fly to that resting place
beneath thy Beloved’s face
be still and know
that He is God
and everything about the Way
is understood
I’m at church waiting for band practice to start – I don’t have my Maton because it’s busy having a slight adjustment – the action on the lower frets is getting a little high. I’m looking forward to having her back, because I’m writing quite a lot at the moment. It’s frustrating not being able to play through a setlist before the rest of the band arrives as well.
The church has been graffitied = every glass window. Just tag signs – nothing too creative or artistic and all white. But I’m am secretly pleased at our building becoming a community artwork. I wonder what it says about our presence, or the artists? I hope that they don’t wash it away too quickly.
Home Alone
Andy and Kirsten have gone away for the week with the Bradleys to Waipu. It’s sad to watch the house go from full – Alison & Phillip, Eye, Kirst & Andy, Jes & Liam .. to just me. Not even any exciting visitors or plans for a big party! I’ll swap between my cottage and their place.. doing useful things like putting out the courier packs, and mainly drinking coffee on my own in the mornings.
Band Practice
All I want to do in the band tonight is play guitar and sing.. and let the guys cruise in where they want. But the feel in my head is so precise that I want to drive it, and push it around to where I want to go. I am going to have to buy another guitar.. and I’m looking at this one…
It’s a Guild GAD-JF30. I’d prefer it in a sunburst finish .. but I think that I’ll like the tone. Rest and relaxation this week will probably be done at the Rockshop. Checking out tone, construction and onboard electrics. I’m already feeling so turned on!
Today Is The Greatest Day I’ve Ever Known
Well not really – but I figure if I’m going to be positive I should start now.
This morning I found a mouse outside my bedroom door. It was dead.. so it was probably the dog that brought it as a gift.
As of Monday it will be 8 weeks til Easter and things are finally starting to come together – I think. I know that it’s still 2 months away – but gosh those months will go so quickly. It does feel good to be pursuing new partnership relationships though – expanding the community and whanau of the Eastercamp deal.
Might be going to the concert series at the Zoo tonight – Viv is here from Oz and so it will be cool to catch up, and Si is playing there so it seems the most likely place that we’ll end up.
Roni leaves in three weeks. She’ll be off to the Outback and then South America, with an indefinite return date. Exciting.
Summer Ales
Yesterday was relatively manic as far as days go.. especially with a drive to the depths of Howick last night to see Rodney. But seeing Rodney is like a cool balm on the soul sometimes. He’s so refreshingly honest, genuine and relaxed about who he is. It gives freedom to me to do likewise.
I talked to him about the job scenario. He says I’m growing up.
I said I need his help. He said he’ll give it.
I think I have to lot to learn from him. He says I’ll still be me no matter where I am.
I said I still want to be good at everything. He says I have to let go and stop striving to not be my father.
I think I’m amazed at how quickly God is revealing so much of what I’ve been learning.
Rodney says he’s looking forward to the next part of the ride.
Gasping – Easterwatch 06 (nine weeks to go)
Today finds me in tears, and feeling at the end of my rope a little. In the midst of trying to recreate and redesign a number of the elements of Eastercamp – I have found myself without the assistance and participation of one of my trustiest guides and helpers. For circumstances that I know are reasonable, he’s had to pull out. Even though camp is nine weeks away, it’s still at the last minute and it feels terrible and foreboding. All the peace I had two weeks ago has disappeared in the light of the past few events and now I feel the pressure overwhelmingly so.
I don’t know which way to go forward .. i need to get back onto my ‘creative flow’ .. and to get back in touch with the connectivity and peace of God at work in this thing. Nothing feels easy or comfortable or even achievable. Too many new things and too many unknowns and all of a sudden everyone is looking at me to achieve what seems impossible.
So today is the last straw and I want to cry and struggle and be held and reassured.