by tashmcgill | Nov 24, 2005 | Uncategorized

Bring It To The Table, Bring What I Am Able

I am cursed, said one man to another as he was walking along a weather beaten path.
Explain yourself, said his companion.
Well, it’s clear. All my life I have ended up on the short side of the stick, the shallow end of the pool, and even now today as we are walking along this path look and see the potholes and stones on the left where I am walking, and the smooth dry ground where you are walking. That is my curse, said the man.
I see, said the companion. But was it not your choice to take the left hand side of the path when we set off?
Aye, it was, he said, but I couldn’t see then the road ahead to know that I had chosen the stumbling path, therefore it must be my curse that means I trip and curse and twist my ankles along this stony road.
Oh aye, said the companion, nodding. But is it not just as likely that as we round this next bend, my path will fall away into disrepair and shall you then point at me and say I am cursed?

Today Is The Greatest Day I’ve Ever Known
Today I am making grownup decisions and being the bigger person, about things that shouldn’t bother me as much as they do. I am so excited about the opportunities of next year, but terrified all at the same time.

Today the right answer to any question is to firstly answer from my perspective. Exaggerate your concern, regard, respect, adoration of me. I need the security of that today.

Today I miss my best friend who remains the person I always want to ask for their opinion, even on the trivial stuff. God, I miss it so bad sometimes I can’t focus on the thing in front of me for the want of that safe and dangerous place again.

Today I would like to take a camera, four guitars (Maton, Gretsch, Ibanez & Gibson), 2 notebooks, 1 Fender Rhodes suitcase model, 3 old-school condenser mics; 2 old valve amps, three comfortable chairs, 1 table, enough beds, couches, CDs, poetry books to last 1 month. I would like to take all these things and put them beside a waterhole in Africa, inside a polehouse with skylights. I would like to write songs and make beautiful noise with worthy beautiful people for 40 days.

Today I am living simply and managing ok. I am thirsty. But I’m not dehydrated.

by tashmcgill | Nov 23, 2005 | Uncategorized

Cos It’s All In The Way You Remember
Perceptions and perspectives are useful and dangerous tools. This week, I’ve been watching perceptions and perspective wreak havoc across people that are intelligent, well-meaning, well-educated and normally effective communicators. But it seems that sometimes when things get too close to our own soft centres and bitter truths… we get all skewy, and things that were loving and kind become cruel and harsh.

Pleading
Girl. Stop. You have too much potential to throw away all these opportunities. Stop. Look around you and realise that every bad thing that has happened to you, you’ve survived. So stop playing the victim, because victims are those who lose, and you haven’t lost yet. Stop holding everyone else to account for how you feel, react & respond to the world around you. There are a lot of people who want nothing but the best for you, and all you seem to give them is the worst. Are you testing our love, to see if we will love you even when you offer us nothing that is loveable? Fair enough.. but test and see that our love is good, because it comes from an eternal place. Girl, stop. Take a deep breath and realise that we are on your side. We have no agenda other than letting you find peace and purpose.

by tashmcgill | Nov 19, 2005 | Uncategorized

Everything Is Beautiful

I never left you
with my devotion like
a light inside you
and I’ll never let you down
by the light of the moon
my love alone to hide you
and I’ll never let you down
– Dobbyn

Everything is beautiful.. even depair in it’s ripest moment has a distinct loveliness about it. I am learning to be beautiful in all moments.

My loneliness is beautiful at this moment because it signifies that I stand apart, reminds me that even those connections that hold promise need to be held in perspective with all that I am and desire to be. It’s not a romantic or platonic loneliness, but more a sense of alienation. Makes me remember that there is a great coming home in my future.

My tragedies are beautiful cliches. I can accept that now. They are infinitely more complex that I even imagined in all my denial of their existence. They are intricate delicately flavoured human drama & comedy, the great stories of my life.

by tashmcgill | Nov 14, 2005 | Uncategorized

Iti Noa Ana, He Pito Mata
Only an ordinary little morsel, but it has not been cooked

When an uncooked piece of kumara is planted it will sprout, and there will be a harvest.

Assembly
Sometimes when the larger body of the Church gathers, remarkable things happen.. like at the Jerusalem Council recorded in Acts 15. It was a good weekend in Hamilton for Baptist Assembly. Steve writes here about some of the results..

Mostly I enjoyed watching what I felt was a very genuine effort towards good process and discussion. Rather than previous Assemblies I’ve attended where there has been much advocating going on.. there was so much open-ended discussion. Of course, not all parties were pleased but I think that it was a remarkable step forward in terms of the way we, as a denomination, are sensing and responding to the need to grapple.

Grappling may be the most important theological task we can set ourselves to in this climate. Hand to hand wrestling in the texts, the contexts, the traditions, the intuitive sense of momentum about our culture, climate and predicaments.

I came away feeling invigorated and energised, by all the goodness around me.

It’s sometimes difficult to straddle between what it means to be here at Windsor Park, and the stereotype of what an emerging new leader (ick – awful phrase) should look like, talk like or sound like. I was disappointed with so much of the conversation that I overheard, whilst I could understand the root perspectives, that seemed so dogmatic and attacking to people whom I observe to be genuinely seeking to lead diligently. It’s hard to be in the middle land sometimes. I respect both sides, but struggle to maintain a healthy distance from a potentially unhealthy debate.

by tashmcgill | Nov 4, 2005 | Uncategorized

Two Weddings And A Wedding Singer
Tomorrow there are two weddings, one for Sam & Maria that I’m not attending, here at Windsor; and another that I am singing at for Alex & Lisa in Manurewa. Strangely enough, both weddings collide in Cheltenham/Devonport where the receptions are being held at respective venues.

A Wedding Blessing
May you know and live out grace
with one another, keep each
other warm in coolness and
never let coolness win if
what is required is a touch
a hug or an apology. May
God’s wisdom be in your
ears as you listen, your eyes
and hearts as you truly
see one another. Mostly
may God and those around you
constantly remind you of
the Greatest Love, the highest
cause, and may all your
life and love together celebrate
and serve that Truth. Amen

by tashmcgill | Oct 28, 2005 | Uncategorized

Here’s Another News Report
Strikes me as somewhat sad and condemning that we are currently seeing more news reports, tributes and commentary on the life of Rosa Parks than we are about the ongoing disaster zone in Pakistan. Read here for a blog on the spot.

I’m a history buff, particularly 20th Century history. The human story started racing ahead as we filled more pages than we ever dreamed of with our ideas of progress, philosophy, invention and prevention. We cured diseases and discovered new ones. As quickly as our ability to record our history developed, so did our voracious apetite for preserving our triumphs and tragedies in all forms of prose, image, moving image, soundbites and cyberspace.

Throughout history the human race have been storytellers. In every culture, we have maintained, developed and kept our history in the oral tradition. In our storytelling, it becomes nearly impossible to resist the urge to bring out the romance of every story. Sometimes I think this has skewed our ability to determine what is pre-meditated intent, and what is unintentional influence as we write, re-write and re-tell our stories.

Rosa Parks
I loved the Rosa Parks story. I loved her for her stubborness, for her simpleness. For her ordinariness. She was just a woman who was tired at the end of a long day. But in no Modern History Of America, nor even in the journals of the Civil Rights movement, did I ever read or even come to understand that there was pre-meditated intent behind her actions on the bus that day. Her humility in admitting even then, that she simply couldn’t be bothered make her admirable.

Long Way to Pakistan
Now that she’s dead, her heroism is even easier to grasp hold of. Let’s re-tell the story. And fair enough, because human beings need to hear our own stories of triumph and stubborn unwillingness to give in, in order to inspire us. Now there will be a Movie of the Week, and family estates that will benefit. And all of this is good and acceptable, because it will raise awareness of an important story. The ordinary can triumph, your voice can be heard, you can make a difference.

But at the cost in our news reports, of remembering the current human story. The tragedy and need that is so malignant, growing each day, in a part of the world where individual heros are so rarely recognised, and yet we have the opportunity to do so much without needing to be praised for it. Daily the body count will continue to grow, and we will mourn one hero after another as they pass on through the rest of 2005.

We will perpetuate the practice that we venerate Rosa Parks for contributing to ending. We will discriminate the plight of a nation, and villify the value of one life with our remembrance, while thousands and tens of thousands die while we continue not to tell their story.

Donate money, do whatever you like. Switch channels and speak knowingly at the water cooler about the disproportionate and discriminatory media.. do whatever you like. But do it honestly, in light of the fact that as a human race, we are still plagued with our own hypocrisy.