by tashmcgill | Oct 19, 2005 | Uncategorized

Song Of The Moment : James Blunt

I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.

I have seen birth. I have seen death.
Lived to see a lover’s final breath.
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend. I’ll cry on your shoulder.
You’re a friend.

You and I have been through many things.
I’ll hold on to your heart.
I wouldn’t cry for anything,
But don’t go tearing your life apart.

I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.

This Time I Want To Change The World
The first annual Human Security Report is discussed here. According to it, the incidence of violence across the world is in decline, despite the current situations in Afghanistan, Iraq, the Congo and so on and so on. Makes for depressing reading if you’re a fatalist who also thinks the recent earthquakes, tsunamis and killer fires are signs of the end times. What does it say about the ‘Terror State’ stranglehold that the media has on us.

by tashmcgill | Oct 18, 2005 | Uncategorized

Don’t Fence Me In
You have to live out of a deep well not big fences.
What I mean by that is the best way to keep your cattle close and in the right place is to dig a deep well so that they have plenty of water. Building big fences doesn’t solve the thirst issue, and they’ll push against the fences..

So in living a faith journey I think the same principle applies. Having plenty of fences around only limits and damages your view of the horizon, you just see the fence and you’re far more likely to walk right up close to the fence. So we have to be careful about the rules that we put in place and concentrate on a life that is based on living out of the desires of our heart, and drinking deep of the right well so that our heart is living in the freedom of God’s love, otherwise we become about sin management and not about God being at work.

Sin management is dangerous because it undermines the power of the Gospel.
Jesus says Go and Sin no more, .. the contextualisation of that leads you to a place of recognising that the Going.. live (and sin no more) .. is much more specific to the particular activity she was involved in. When the Israelites became about sin management.. they lost the point of the whole God Story.. no longer was it about God’s redemptive power and the unfolding story of the Gospel, but it was about the ability of humanity to control circumstance, sin and society.. which drew them into the roles of Pharisee, sadduccees… a tragedy really.

So hence.. I don’t know how you make decisions about what you can and can’t do, because it seems that each choice has to be examined, rather than blanket ruling.. and also … life is for living in the moment. …
therefore.. hmmm see my dilemma?

Break My Heart If This Doesn’t Change You
Had lunch with Luke today and shared angst about the state of the generation. Lately I’ve been highly emotionally charged when going to bed and taking nightly devotions. It feels like something of the revolutionary spirit, something of the desire, something of the Cause is missing from some of the community I’m part of.

The desire to belong to a cause and the willingness to give and take all that comes with it. Instead of the burn that should be there, there is an emptiness. It’s like the Ecclesiastical Generation. Pursue and enjoy everything, denying ourselves no pleasure. It’s only at the end we shall realise that all is vanity and emptiness. All is meaningless, the sole purpose, meaning and integrity of our lives is found is Loving God. Living out of Kingdom values. A life of intentionality. My bloo rushes and I feel hopeful again. But it’s momentary, because I look around and feel desperately alone… Where are my comrades of the Revolution?

by tashmcgill | Oct 17, 2005 | Uncategorized

Living In A Generous Spirit

Just because I live in the context of people who aren’t poor, is no excuse to live an ungenerous life.

by tashmcgill | Oct 16, 2005 | Uncategorized

I’ve Seen Fire And I’ve Seen Rain, But I Never Thought I’d See You Again

Seems appropriate to come home to blogging from an out of world experience..Last night I went to Mt Albert Baptist Church, to be part of the 90th birthday celebration, but also to hang out with Stu. It was a challenging experience to go back to a place that feels so familiar but I feel so strange within. What I remember of myself in that place is a stranger now. A girl who used to live inside this skin. I don’t know if I like myself better now or what, or if it was never a good fit and that’s why I was someone else.. or if as Donkey says, we’re like onions, and as we go through life we peel the layers off.

It was good to hear Mark Pierson (see the sidebar) speaking, especially about the future of the church, especially in the context we were in last night. People who were old and faithful are still there, and there are younger, newer faces there as well. I liked what he had to say about the future of the church not being found in more attraction in our attractionally-based ministries, and not in the Emerging Church either, but in asking the right questions and doing the time to get to the right answers.

Some of his questions were delightfully simple but the kind of questions that only have complex answers. Who are we? What is the best way to help these people sustain their faith in the world? The placement of the ‘in’ is important. It was just nice and refreshing. But the context made me uncomfortable.

Pride
Discomfort leads you to strange things. I found it really hard to go to MABC not looking fab… eing freshly showered, hair done, make-up perfect, wardrobe black.

The Weekend
I was going to go to the markets on Saturday morning, but a phonecall with Mum late friday afternoon changed that, and I headed up north on Friday night. It was a good drive listening to some good cd’s and having a little connecting time, both with myself and with God. There are a lot of things right under the surface for me at the moment. Deep things. Things that I can’t put words too, and maybe it’s my lack of ability to do that that’s led to a quiet patch here.

So .. driving through Tikipunga I saw the slim lines of the Volvo in the distance and ending up driving through to Ngunguru behind Mum & Pete. They had dinner with my sister’s boyfriend & parents.. Nice nice. Waking up in the morning with the sea so close and the view so exquisite was rest for a weary soul.

We spent much of the day at the new place, sanding and painting and setting furniture around. It’s a gorgeous place with lots of character. I enjoyed working on it for the weekend with Mum & Pete. But I did end up covered in dust and sweat and paintmarks for my trip to MABC… hence the pride issue.

Hermit-Like
Maybe it’s my own fault, the hermit-like existence that it seems like I’ve stumbled into.. Sometimes the light feels too bright.. I can stay focussed on the right things and the good things, so long as able to stay close enough to Truth.. to the words and books that lead me back to an intimate understanding, sense and desire for moving through this Valley and up into the High Places.

For the second or third week in a row, I’ve had minimal contact with ‘friends’. What are friends anyway? How do you define it, or put a measure on what it feels like to be connected? I feel static and it seems like everyone else is moving on around me. And then sometimes I feel as if I’m the one moving further and further away. It’s an implicit deep silence where once again.. I feel an absence of arms reaching towards me.

Reading
Velvet Elvis – Rob Bell
The Out Of Bounds Church – Steve Taylor
Captivating – John & Stasi Eldredge
The Journey of Desire – John Eldredge
Hosea – The Bible
Isaiah 42 – 62 – The Bible

Benediction
Great Heart of my heart
Search the depths of my soul
and see that You inhabit every part
each inch of skin and breath
lives only in the presence of Your
Great Love

by tashmcgill | Sep 20, 2005 | Uncategorized

Woah, Listen To The Music
Last night J & Jono came over for songwriting. It’s a strange process to have what feels like a large collaborative group to try and find a way forward together.

Because the first song came so easily, and has taken on a life of it’s own in our community it feels frustrating to try and re-create that moment. The practician in me realises that there will be songs that are simply average, but the wonder in me wants to find that moment where we tap into the beat of the Spirit in our community and in one another and the song writes itself.

So J set us homework, which is kinda funny, and we’re gonna to meet again on Saturday. We’ll see what happens next in this process.

Sometimes I think I’m so lost in the midst of the doing and being, that I’m losing my sense of comraderie and companionship with people. Maybe that is a sub-conscious factor here.

by tashmcgill | Sep 18, 2005 | Uncategorized

Casablanca
Friday night was exquisite.. sitting under the starlight of the Civic theatre, listening to the glorious building creak and settle in the winds, and the delightful crackle and buzz of the old-style projector rolling through the classics. The newsreels of the 1950’s Auckland Transportation plan was hilarious, and it was a shame that the Mayor didn’t stick around for the entertainment of watching how yesteryear’s foreplanning didn’t actual solve the issues at all..

The movie itself was stunning.. time and time again Ingrid Bergman’s tear-filled eyes shimmering with emotion as she gazes at Humphrey Bogart take my breath away, and his countenance at the airport staggers me. The writing unprecendented and the bittersweet ending remains unsurpassed. It was delightful to watch it with people who had never seen it before. The comfortable familiarity of my journey was enhanced by the joyful discoveries of those around me.

Anarchy
Nothing like a tied election to set tongues to wagging about the state of the nation. For those who have small addictions to political commentary (yeah, that’s my hand up) the next few weeks will have a tinge of addict rush to them, as the dust flies and everything settles.

21
It’s my sister’s 21st birthday today. Which is a marvellous thing, but makes me feel very old all of a sudden. We had a family breakfast at Frolic, opposite One Tree Hill domain. This is easy for my family who all live on the Central/South side of the bridge, but meant that I had to leave my house at about 6.15am to make it there by 8am. Breakfast was entertaining, but when I dropped Carmel at uni, Dad still hadn’t called her, which is the dull ache that seems to surround most of our family gatherings. I hope that she’s heard from him by now. We drove most of the way to uni holding hands, as I was willing the phone to ring.

More Confessions

Leaving On A Jetplane
It’s stormy and gusty in Auckland today. The skies outside my office are grey and dark, and last night I thought that the tin of my roof was likely to start peeling away. Not so of course, but in the dark of the night, you’re always apt to feel darker and more vunerable. Dani is finally on her way here and I can barely contain my breath of excitement! I know that I’m still not likely to see her for a while, but at least she’ll be in my hemisphere and it feels like this endless year of waiting will soon be over.